Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

I'm sure many of you have heard of Molatar Seth Pyrant, mystical dragon for Christ! His evangelistic website crashed into oblivion when news of his shapeshifting technique, praying to Jesus for "the change", exploded across hundreds of blogs and even made a mention in The Boston Herald. There's not much of this gem left in google's cache, but his werecard still stands:

http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:mJibrrS0ogAJ:www.molatar.com/Werecard.htm

Some tidbits:

Phenotype: I am both dragon and werewolf. I used to suppress the latter, but I find now that its just as much a part of me as the dragon, although I favor my dragon side.

I also have several minor phenotypes, which I consider to be variations on the dragon or wolf types. Sometimes I am an anthropomorphic Pharaoh Hound, but I consider that to be a subtype of the werewolf in me. At other times, I am an Aurak Draconian (from Dragonlance), but this is merely a humanoid version of my dragon subtype, as is my were-crocodile form.

Human physical description: For now, I'll just tell you that I look like a portly version of Jeffrey Dahmer. I find my human appearance to be embarrassing and ugly, especially the feet.

Favorite prey: Homeless people. They're so easy to lead into salvation. All I need is about twenty bucks and some comforting words and they're in.

My dislikes: People who refuse to get saved, people who persecute me for being a Christian, beer, lesbians, abortion clinics, deerflies, magick and satanism, heavy metal musicians that hate Jesus, the Roman Catholic Church, not getting answers to my e-mails, diaper commercials that show toddlers' butts, and the Teletubbies.

My thoughts towards aliens: I believe that there truly is intelligent life in outer space. However, I personally feel that the great distance between galaxies was meant to protect all species from interfering with each other before they are morally and spiritually ready for contact. I don't think aliens look like humans with plastic ridges on their heads like in Star Trek. They probably look like anthro animals or giant squids or something totally inhuman.

The 'little grey aliens' we see today are actually demons. Why else would the New Age people babble about them? Genesis 6:4 mentions 'sons of God' that mated with human women, so these aliens are either demons or human-demon hybrids. The demons' intent in mating with these women was to poison our gene pool so the Christ could not be born. Think about it. These little bastards have SKULLS for faces and kidnap women to rape them. They're straight out of a hardcore porno fantasy. Uh uh uh uh, oh yeah, give it to me, you pathetic skinny spaceman!

A "werecard" by format doesn't include a section for bitching against "Pro-abortionists" and "Homosexuals," but apparently those rants are part of the whole of his draconic existance.

And, no, he's not joking. :shock:

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

What heavy metal is in his water supply?

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

My favorite thing about this guy was his prayers to become a were.

Here all this time I was wasting my moonlit nights tosing random stuff into a bubbling cauldron placed within two large circles and chanting things like "Lupine freaks who never sleep, be kind to me" while wearing a wolf-skin belt.

Why, I could have just prayed for it instead. I'm sure the divine creator of everything will just turn me into a giant dog because I asked nicely because he's just that kind of guy.

I think I'll stick with my cauldron.

Plus, who doesn't like beer and lesbians?

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Werewolf Tobias, Molatar's mentor, gets first place in my opinion for the most fucked up otherkin in existence. This guy has his own militia formed to battle satanists, vampires and other enemies of humanity. He believes it's a werewolf's duty to do so in redemption to the Christian god. His training manuals and choppy essays are available in all their geoshitties ambiance at:

http://www.geocities.com/werewolfanybody/covers.html

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

Religion is the Most Dangerous Thing on the planet.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Religion is the Most Dangerous Thing on the planet.

And people who think they are dragons is the second most.

SquareMoogle · Vociferator Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 357

Iconoclastic, if you've read this forum for any period of time you would have known that Ebon Lupus is the most fucked up otherkin in existance. I don't know if his site is still up or not and don't have the constitution to check, so try here.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

I hope like hell that man does not own a dog...

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

I hope like hell that man does not own a dog...

Define "own." :cry:

SquareMoogle · Vociferator Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 357

You don't "own" your lifepartner, it's a mutual relationship. :)

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

Werewolf Tobias, Molatar's mentor, gets first place in my opinion for the most fucked up otherkin in existence. This guy has his own militia formed to battle satanists, vampires and other enemies of humanity. He believes it's a werewolf's duty to do so in redemption to the Christian god. His training manuals and choppy essays are available in all their geoshitties ambiance at:

http://www.geocities.com/werewolfanybody/covers.html

It is a werewolf's duty to fight vampires. Jesus Christ, didn't you see Underworld?

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

It is a werewolf's duty to fight vampires. Jesus Christ, didn't you see Underworld?

Dude, I fight vampires all the time!

Then again ... I play a lot of Castlevania. :)

Computolio · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 865

DIE FURRY

YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Iconoclastic, if you've read this forum for any period of time you would have known that Ebon Lupus is the most fucked up otherkin in existance. I don't know if his site is still up or not and don't have the constitution to check, so try here.

Damn! :shock:

Mitch · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 658

I'm sure many of you have heard of Molatar Seth Pyrant, mystical dragon for Christ!

And, no, he's not joking. :shock:

Yes, he was joking. "Molatar" was a hamhanded spoof that nobody with half a brain should have fallen for.

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

Yes, he was joking. "Molatar" was a hamhanded spoof that nobody with half a brain should have fallen for.

In fact, that was the first time I saw the mentioned site. There was a thread about it, but the site had gone offline before I could get a glimpse.

Oh well, some of the points of the insanity on that site were so spot on that they just couldn't be unintentional. Though, there is so much of dumbfuckery, insanity and delusional behavior that it's easy to fall for a prank like this. It could be possible, although more random and unfunny, but possible. Any numbskulled retard can have a website these days www.tailhole.org being completely free to express their bungholiatically brutfunkinating snurt without anyone editing it.

Although that was a spoof, I can't really see the funny in it. Just someone being bored and cracking a joke page.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

It's a fact- Vampire furries and Werewolf furries are natural enemies, doomed to eternal combat . Just like Ninja furries and Pirate furries, or the star trek furries that are half black and half white and the the star trek furries that are half white and half black.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

DIE FURRY

YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD

Twas not by my paw that I am once again given fur.

I was called here by fanboys who wish to pay me scritches!

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

Twas not by my paw that I am once again given fur.

I was called here by fanboys who wish to pay me scritches!

Urge to kill... raising.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Urge to kill... raising.

They way you used it there, you should have put 'rising'. Do homicidal tendencies naturally negate grammar like that?

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

They way you used it there, you should have put 'rising'. Do homicidal tendencies naturally negate grammar like that?

Urge to kill rising... That sounds too much of a Manowar song.

How would a furry manowar fan name himself?

Yiff with power?

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

No, friend, he stole the bit from the Simpson's halloween special.

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

They way you used it there, you should have put 'rising'. Do homicidal tendencies naturally negate grammar like that?

I never claimed to be a good speeler.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Yes, he was joking. "Molatar" was a hamhanded spoof that nobody with half a brain should have fallen for.

I would have thought that, too, had I not been conversing (read: arguing) with this person for almost two years.

But, if you have any evidence to the contrary, please share. I'd like my faith in humanity back.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

I never claimed to be a good speeler.

It's diction, not spelling.

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

It's diction, not spelling.

It's going to be my diction in your anal, sir. EN GARDE!