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Forgive me, Charles Schultz, wherever you are...
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GoManVanGogh
Vociferator
Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 659
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Posted: 10/13/2005 9:46:41 PM
Post subject: Forgive me, Charles Schultz, wherever you are... |
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Night of the Great Pumpkin
CAST
Linus
Charlie Brown
Lucy
Sally
Peppermint Patty
Marcy
Snoopy
Schroeder
Franklin
Frieda
Pigpen
Great Pumpkin
<“Linus and Lucy” starts playing in the background as members of the Peanuts gang come on stage, one by one>
Charlie Brown: Hi, Linus.
Linus: Hi, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: Hi, Peppermint Patty, Marcy.
Peppermint Patty: Heya, Chuck.
Marcy: Hello, Charles.
Lucy: How's it going, blockhead?
Charlie Brown: Good grief! Hi, Sally.
Sally: Hello, Big Brother. Hello, my sweet baboo!
Linus: Good grief!
Charlie Brown: Hi there, Snoopy.
Charlie Brown: Hi Schroeder, Frieda.
Schroeder: Hello, Charlie Brown.
Frieda: Hi, Charlie Brown.
Lucy: Hands off my Kool-Aid, bitch!
Schroeder: Good Grief! Hi, Pigpen.
Pigpen: Hi Schroeder, hey Gang.
Charlie Brown: Hi, Franklin.
Franklin: All right stop it! Stop it right now!
<“Linus and Lucy” ends abruptly, if we can insert a record-scratch here, all the better>
Franklin: Yeah, sure, now you're all “Hi, Franklin”, like y'all're my friends. But what happens then? I'll tell you what. I don't get no lines for the rest of the episode, that's what! And I know why. We all know why! Because the only reason that cracker, Charles Schultz, even drew me is so he could have some token black kid in his strip, so he wouldn't have to deal with the NAACP. Well, y'all can kiss my black ass! I quit! I'm out of here! I hear “Boondocks” is hiring.
Peppermint Patty: Umm…
Linus: Yeah…
Charlie Brown: So… What's everybody doing for Halloween this year?
Lucy: The same thing we do every year, blockhead. Go trick-or-treating and to the big Halloween party.
Charlie Brown: Aw, I hate trick-or-treating! All I ever get are rocks.
Lucy: I know. Watching you suffer is all part of the fun!
Schroeder: Lucy, has anyone ever told you that you are a cold, callous, domineering, heartless, sadistic bitch?
Lucy: I prefer to think of myself as a young Anne Coulter.
Schroeder: Good grief!
Peppermint Patty: Well, you kids have a good time. Me and Marcy are WAY too mature for that stuff. We're gonna spend the night at my house and… Uh… Watch some videos. Right, Marcy?
Macy: I'll bring the lubrica- I mean popcorn, sir!
Peppermint Patty: Uhh, yeah, see you guys later!
Linus: Hey, anyone want to come wait for the Great Pumpkin in the pumpkin patch tonight?
Charlie Brown: Don't tell me you're still on that stupid “Great Pumpkin” kick!
Sally: You blockhead! You do this every year!
Pigpen: She's right, Linus! Every year you sit in that stupid pumpkin patch and wait for your stupid “Great Pumpkin”!
Frieda: And he never shows up!
Lucy: When are you going to face facts, blockhead? The Great Pumpkin doesn't exist!
Linus: But he is real! He is! I've seen him. I've heard him. And he told me he really wants to meet all of you, tonight!
Charlie Brown: Don't be silly, Linus, that was just your imagination.
Lucy: Come on, gang, let's get out of here before we all start hallucinating!
Linus: No! Wait! I'm telling you, he's real! I promised him! Charlie Brown, you believe me, don't you?
Charlie Brown: Lucy's right, Linus. The Great Pumpkin doesn't exist. And the sooner you come to accept that, the better off you'll be.
Linus: But he is real… I know he is… Why, oh, why doesn't anybody believe me?
<“Damien's Theme” from “The Omen” begins playing in the background as the image of a hideously demonic Jack O'Lantern is projected onto the big screen. The music ends and the Great Pumpkin speaks>
Great Pumpkin: Linus?
Linus: Great Pumpkin, is that you?
Great Pumpkin: Kneel before me, mortal swine!
Linus: Yes, my Master! As you command!
Great Pumpkin: Is everything in readiness for tonight's ceremony? Have you recruited the new acolytes, as I instructed you?
Linus: I tried, Master! Really I did!
Great Pumpkin: What?! How dare you come before me in failure?!
Linus: It wasn't my fault, Master! I tried to tell them! But they don't believe in you! They said you don't exist!
Great Pumpkin: Then they leave me no choice. I can stand the insolence of these infidels no longer! Tonight, Linus, you know what you must do.
Linus: Oh, no, Master, you don't mean… ?
Great Pumpkin: You, Linus, must slaughter the Peanuts Gang, and sacrifice their eternal souls unto me!
Linus: No, Master! Please! I beg of you!
Great Pumpkin: You must sacrifice Charlie Brown!
Linus: But he is my friend!
Great Pumpkin: You must sacrifice Snoopy!
Linus: But he's a good dog!
Great Pumpkin: You must sacrifice Sally!
Linus: But she loves me!
Great Pumpkin: You must sacrifice your older sister, Lucy!!
Linus: Oh. No problem. I never liked the bitch, anyway.
Great Pumpkin: You will sacrifice them unto me tonight! Or else… You know the consequences! I shall banish thee to the Ninth Circle of Comic Strip Hell!
Linus: Oh, no, not that!
Great Pumpkin: Yes! “The Family Circus”!
Linus: Nooooooo! Anything but that!
Great Pumpkin: Then do as I command, slave!
Linus: Yes, my Master! I hear and obey!
Great Pumpkin: Do not fail me again!
<“Damien's Theme” plays again as the image of the Great Pumpkin vanishes. The music ends, leaving a disheveled, somewhat crazed-looking Linus onstage. After a brief moment, Charlie Brown and Snoopy walk back on stage>
Charlie Brown: Hey, Linus?
Linus: Yes, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Listen, me and the Gang have been thinking maybe we were a little hard on you. Tell you what. Why don't you try trick-or-treating with us just this once? Just for this one Halloween night.
Linus: Yes… Yes… I think I'd like that.
Charlie Brown: That's great. Well, we'll all be meeting at my place later. I'll see you then. Let's go, Snoopy.
Linus: Happy Halloween everybody.
END |
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MagKnightX
Vociferator
Joined: 04 Dec 2003
Posts: 415
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Posted: 10/14/2005 1:16:35 AM
Post subject: |
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| I love you. |
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TheBobSays
Venter
Joined: 19 Jun 2005
Posts: 236
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Posted: 10/14/2005 2:02:24 AM
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Enh. Not one of your better ones, to be honest. Peanuts is difficult to properly imitate, and one where the style in TV and in comics differed. For example, despite Snoopy's thought bubbles in the strip, Snoopy never pulled a Wile E. Coyote. Instead, excellent use body language was employed. The thought balloon signs were off, and often was unneccessary.
The shots at Marcie and Pepperment Patty have been done to death before, and the Franklin one did have the nice Boondocks ref.
That's what was wrong. The style is very melodramatic, which doesn't work well in Peanuts. Actual Linus statements was along the lines of "Three things to never talk about in public. Politics, religion, and the Great Pumkin." and that "Obviously has a better publicist."
Perhaps if you used more dry wit, preferably with obscure references. More academic, the better. The Anne Coultier line was a wonderful instance. |
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Computolio
Needs to get out more
Joined: 01 Jun 2003
Posts: 865
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Posted: 10/14/2005 4:52:31 AM
Post subject: |
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| bring me the head of charlie brown was better |
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Squizzle
Prattler
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 121
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Posted: 10/14/2005 8:23:40 AM
Post subject: |
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| You misspelled "Schulz". |
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Captain Cowgirl
Needs to get out more
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 1091
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Posted: 10/14/2005 9:29:26 AM
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bring me the head of charlie brown was better
link?
Anyways, I lol'd. The bit with Patty and Marcie, where, as mentioned, a bit stale, but I also enjoyed the Franklin bit and the end part where Linus agrees to sacrfice Lucy...
Just in time for Halloween! :P |
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Goofy
Vociferator
Joined: 18 Mar 2005
Posts: 311
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Posted: 10/14/2005 2:35:45 PM
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In high school, I developed my own version called "Charlie Browm" (changed the 'n' to an 'm' to avoid copyright). Basically, it was a crudely-drawn mock-up of the Peanuts gang with rude punchlines.
All my friends thought they were very LOL and I showed them to my drama teacher, who crapped his pants laughing. He then told me not to show them to any other teacher, just in case they got offended and sought to expell me.
I think I showed one other teacher who was a cool guy like my drama teacher, but that was it. |
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GoManVanGogh
Vociferator
Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 659
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Posted: 10/14/2005 4:52:09 PM
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bring me the head of charlie brown was better
Well, DUH! |
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GoManVanGogh
Vociferator
Joined: 18 Nov 2003
Posts: 659
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Posted: 10/14/2005 4:53:56 PM
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The shots at Marcie and Pepperment Patty have been done to death before, and the Franklin one did have the nice Boondocks ref.
That's what was wrong. The style is very melodramatic, which doesn't work well in Peanuts. Actual Linus statements was along the lines of "Three things to never talk about in public. Politics, religion, and the Great Pumkin." and that "Obviously has a better publicist."
Perhaps if you used more dry wit, preferably with obscure references. More academic, the better. The Anne Coultier line was a wonderful instance.
Well, I wrote this for my office's annual Halloween Pageant, so I couldn't get too cerebral. Besides, I always believed in the Mick Foley approach, "Go for the Cheap Pop!" |
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Squizzle
Prattler
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 121
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Posted: 10/15/2005 7:44:05 AM
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bring me the head of charlie brown was better
link?
link. (suggest saving to disk THEN viewing, since the server's not quite fast enough for streaming.) |
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Captain Cowgirl
Needs to get out more
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 1091
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Posted: 10/15/2005 8:07:29 AM
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bring me the head of charlie brown was better
link?
link. (suggest saving to disk THEN viewing, since the server's not quite fast enough for streaming.)
Holy crap it's a MOVIE? |
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weird_guy_in_the_corner
Vociferator
Joined: 14 Oct 2004
Posts: 708
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Posted: 10/15/2005 3:59:37 PM
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bring me the head of charlie brown was better
link?
link. (suggest saving to disk THEN viewing, since the server's not quite fast enough for streaming.)
I laughed. |
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Captain Cowgirl
Needs to get out more
Joined: 27 May 2005
Posts: 1091
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Posted: 10/16/2005 7:03:58 AM
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| Ok, I downloaded it, now how the hell do I play it? |
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Squizzle
Prattler
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 121
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Posted: 10/16/2005 10:52:03 AM
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Ok, I downloaded it, now how the hell do I play it?
It's an MPEG video, dogg. Just about any player on the planet will handle it. |
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Troggler
Venter
Joined: 28 Jul 2005
Posts: 246
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Octan
Coadjutor
Joined: 15 Feb 2005
Posts: 77
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Posted: 10/21/2005 1:38:49 AM
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| Wait... VanGogh, were you the one who tried to post this on the Ozy and Millie board? :shock: |
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Dr. Dos
Vociferator
Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 718
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Posted: 10/21/2005 1:53:11 AM
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I suspect so, but was too lazy to ask since I rarely go there anymore.
I'm still too lazy to bother reading this. :( |
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The Flying Fox
Coadjutor
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 93
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Posted: 10/21/2005 4:53:03 AM
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| That must be the 100th time someone killed peanuts. I wonder how many times a comic can be killed before it mysteriously self-combusts, along with everyone involved in the comic as the universe tries to correct a mistake on it's own. |
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