Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

Furries should consult the following list if they are considering on drawing porn/making a webcomic/whatever.

1. Some females have large breasts. Please do not draw all females with large breasts. And please do not draw your females with breasts so large that the subject looks like they would suffer from a backache. See any of Eric Schwartz's characters for an example of this.

2. When men ejaculate, it usually ranges from being able to shoot semen a few feet to dribbling out. Men usually ejaculate no more than a few tablespoonfuls. Men do not ejaculate like out of control fire hoses.

3. Tentacle rape is not sexy.

4. Stop covering females with gallons of semen. It's disgusting as hell.

5. Not all women like anal sex.

6. Not all people are comfortable with orgies.

7. Very few men have 9-inch long, 3-inch wide penises.

8. Not all men have great bodies. I'm not saying you should draw subjects with beer bellies and love handles, but not all men have the physique of an athlete or bodybuilder.

9. Stop drawing subjects that look like they're screaming and convulsing whenever they fuck. I'm sure sex feels great (I wouldn't know :( ) but few people have orgasms of this magnitude.

10. Drawing anthros in dark, gritty situations laden with gore is not shocking. It's just weird.

11. Stop with the "slice of life" comics. It's overdone and pretentious.

12. If you're aiming for comedy, make sure it makes sense and is, you know, funny. An in-joke about Duran Duran is not funny. A horse strung out on Altoids is not funny.

Add your own.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

13. Think about it, you can't get a HUMAN woman to look at your pimply, 800lb ass with anything other than absolute revulsion, why would fox, skunk, cow, or wyvern women think otherwise.

14. That fox, skunk, cow, or wyvern woman looking at you in the the fursuit is named Carl.

Kadius · Needs to get out more Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 911

15. There are no women on the internet.

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

16. No fursonas. It reeks of pretension.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

17. You cannt both deny the existance of souls, and have the soul of a dragon/wolf/fox.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

15. There are no women on the internet.

<looks at boobs>

Uh....

Glympse · Rasophore Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 61

Uh....

Addendum: It counts if you were born male, you're still a dude.

18. Take a moment to consider the repercussions of making an ass of yourself: on the internet, at a con, or otherwise. If you're caught, it's not "fursecution." You were being retarded, and now you have to deal with it.

19. No, having sex with your childhood toys is not normal. Introducing this fact to people before your name is not necessarily a good practice to "break the ice."

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Addendum: It counts if you were born male, you're still a dude.

Addendum2: It counts if you were born an asshole, you're still a an asshole. :evil:

20. If the ultimate, defining accomplishment of your life is sewing a life-like anus into a stuffed raccoon, may I suggest heavy drinking, loose fitting clothes, and industrial machinery.

21. Important warning sign- fursuit and spandex shorts. It's like spotting a funnel cloud. Run, seek shelter, alert authorities.

Gargoyle · Vociferator Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 455

Furries should consult the following list if they are considering on drawing porn/making a webcomic/whatever.

1. Some females have large breasts.

Wow, I felt a presence of Wayd Wolf for a moment. (Wayd, are you still angry at me?)

5. Not all women like anal sex.

I don't think any, besides a S/M types.

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

5. Not all women like anal sex.

that's not what my spam emails say.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

22. Drawing an image of a copyrighted character being defiled by tentacles is not a "parody". It's wank material. Learn to call a spade a spade.

23. If you're going to draw a comic whose main focus is cartoony porn, please don't try add plot later on. Unless you're creating the next Omaha or Shanda, it'll go over like a led balloon.

Chris Baird · Prattler Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 140

8. Not all men have great bodies. I'm not saying you should draw subjects with beer bellies and love handles, but not all men have the physique of an athlete or bodybuilder.

11. Stop with the "slice of life" comics. It's overdone and pretentious.

don't

Gargoyle · Vociferator Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 455

G-rated comic

http://www.deviantart.com/view/16481719/

Improving myself and my artwork is something I'm doing all the time

And my riff on Piro is because of how he's treated vs how I'm treated. I don't know where I stand style wise when compared to him, but I do know that, if I start crying and committing hari kiri, people will be watching with digicams so they can publish my suicide on the web and have people masterbate to the 'snuff film.'

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

24- Don't log onto CYD and post things like "My friend and I are furs, but he did THIS. Ha ha ha! He's REALLY dumb, huh guys?" Ever hear of "Guilt By Association"?

25- If the hot babe you scored with has a face like Dee Snider and a body like lumpy mashed potatoes, don't compound your sin by bragging and posting photographic evidence on the net.

Mastertran · Venter Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 275

25. If your gonna do a wank story you don't need to make a grand political or social statement. Some of us just want to masturbate not think.

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

26. If your furry comic must have dirty hy00mans in it they must all hate the furries because they are intolerant. The minority furry people must not be violent and stoop to the level of the terrible humans.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

20whatever: Every comic must have a sex scene between two main characters at some point. Because SEX IS ALWAYS RELEVANT TO THE STORY. No rational furry or w/e can solve any problem without the Bedroom (or bus station bathroom) Triathalon.

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

20whatever: Every comic must have a sex scene between two main characters at some point. Because SEX IS ALWAYS RELEVANT TO THE STORY. No rational furry or w/e can solve any problem without the Bedroom (or bus station bathroom) Triathalon.

27a. If possible, add a few family members too.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

27b. Extra points if the sex is adulterous, and a 1-Up if it's transspecies.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

28- Tentacles ARE NOT sexy. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a Cthulhu monster representing a rapist monster lobbying group, or Eric Schwartz.

Mastertran · Venter Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 275

29. No one ever said that furries and humans have to hate each other. So stop eith the angesty stories in which one furry goes up againist unjust human evil.

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 700

30: By no means should you ever not base a main character on yourself, instead of creating an original character and personality.

Ebonyleopard · Venter Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 264

Furries should consult the following list if they are considering on drawing porn/making a webcomic/whatever.

That list can go for anime fans too. 2 years ago I went to my first anime convention and I gotta tell you, if you think the stuff that you see in some furry art is sick, you should see the stuff in anime.

I mean, for instance. It's creepy to see baby fur stuff as it is, furry kids in sexual situations is wrong.

But when you see human kids (even though being cartoons) in sexual situations it's even weirder. Frankly, I think fictional animal stuff isn't as bad as seeing fictional humans stuff, because at least, in the back of your head you know, that the animal critter could never exist, while the human one actually could be based off of someone living.

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

31. Not everyone goes to a kick ass high school like the kids in Archie Comics, nor do they have kick ass teachers that care like the affromentioned kids have.

32. Not everyone gets all A+'s, and people that do are usually so busy studying do achieve those grades that they have no social life what-so-ever.

33. Not all girls are dating the quarterback/captain of the football team, likewise, not all footballs guys are dumb and/or jocks (just like not all nerds not Star Trek/Wars or are fanboys or some nerdy thing).

34. Most students are neither nerds nor jocks and are somewhere in between.

35. Most students have no idea why they're in High School or College and are coasting and only taking classes 'because they made me' and even if they do well, it's because of pressure from their parents. The small percent that actually cares about their future probbaly does so because 'the system' has shown it cares about them and is giving them extra attention for whatever reason.

36. Surprise, surprise, not all women are sexed obsessed and only care about getting you in bed. Most want to get to know you first. There's a reason we call it love making after all.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

37. If you're going to beat the "freak pride" drum you also have to accept the consequential social burn. Proud deviants don't resort to cries of victimization.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

37. If you're going to beat the "freak pride" drum you also have to accept the consequential social burn. Proud deviants don't resort to cries of victimization.

Since when?

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

38. No means NO

39. Female skunks don't exist only for sex and as objects. I mean, how would you feel if you wanted to have an intelligent conversation and the guy kept staring at your chest?

LoKi · Venter Joined: 09 Mar 2005 Posts: 262

40. Wearing a diaper does not make you a normal, functioning member of society no matter how much you think it does.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

41. When doing a comic, don't overload your panels with speech bubbles filled with so much bargle bargle borf (that no one but you would even bother to read) to the point that it dwarfs the art. You might as well be writing an novel with the occasional illustration on every other page.

42. Using different species to parallel different races of humanity is not clever nor is it original. You desecrate the work of Art Spiegelman by doing so.

43. Unless you're Karri Aronen, Tiny Toons porn is never funny.

44. Animals do not "want to be loved" in that way.

45. Never question David Gonterman's grapefruits.

Computolio · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 865

69. SOME OF THE THINGS ON THIS LIST ARE STUPID. ALSO: REDUNDANT

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 700

70. BLIMP-TOLIO lOl

sry

LoKi · Venter Joined: 09 Mar 2005 Posts: 262

71. Never make vocal animal sounds out loud and expect "hy00mans" to take you seriously. :D

Ebonyleopard · Venter Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 264

72. Stop typing the word human as hyOOman as some lame attempt to deny what you are.

73. Never make a comment about how stupid or redundant a redundantly stupid list is.

LoKi · Venter Joined: 09 Mar 2005 Posts: 262

74. Over half the normal people you run it will have idea what a furry is. (Not everyone watches CSI)

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

75. Try not to color your images with simple one-direction gradients. It looks stupid. You might as well color your images with flat colors.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

76. Some of the things on this list are redundant.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

#Levendy Billion: There are more animal species than just foxes, wolves and dragons, go rent some originality, asshat.

Gargoyle · Vociferator Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 455

88: Nazis may be sure cute and cuddly, but a furries in the Nazi uniforms would be just evil.

m_estrugo · Vociferator Joined: 13 Nov 2003 Posts: 534

75. Try not to color your images with simple one-direction gradients. It looks stupid. You might as well color your images with flat colors.

I do. And they look OK to me. :)

Chris Baird · Prattler Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 140

77. Bondage is not the ultimate in sexual sophistication. Quite the opposite, actually. What? You can respond by a giving rote recital of The Zen of Bondage? QED.

Brentos · Apocrisiary Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 48

89: Do NOT start your comic with "Hi my name is so-and-so and this is my roommate so-and-so and this is our comic!".

90: 'This is wrong on SO many levels" is NOT a punchline!

Shmeckopolis · Vociferator Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 327

83: For the love of god, leave Minerva Mink alone.

21st Century Digital Boy · Venter Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 202

5976.5: SHUT UP

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 700

5976.5: SHUT UP

5976.6: NO YOU, HAMMYPANTS

Brentos · Apocrisiary Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 48

5977: If you're doing humour and your comic doesn't make YOU laugh it won't make other people laugh. If it DOES make you laugh it MIGHT make other people laugh.

5978: If you're doing porn and your comic doesn't make YOU wet it won't make other people ah you get the picture...

Heroiini · Prattler Joined: 07 May 2005 Posts: 135

88: Nazis may be sure cute and cuddly, but a furries in the Nazi uniforms would be just evil.

I digress, it's both.

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

Cute and cuddly nazifur! =)

Heroiini · Prattler Joined: 07 May 2005 Posts: 135

Eeeeexcellent :D

It just leaves one question open. How was Donny so sneaky to insert that there? I guess sodomy still wasen't out then.

CrazyBomber · Prattler Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 137

The desert heat produce mirages

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

The desert heat produce mirages

Wow, that'll give you nightmares!

Squizzle · Prattler Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 121

WHAT I'VE DEDUCED from INTERACTIONS WITH "POSTFURRIES"

1. Verbosity != eloquence.
2. Having read the Principia Discordia doesn't make you an ingenious prankster.
2a. Having read the Book of the Subgenius still doesn't make you an ingenious prankster.
2b. Likewise, having read some comics doesn't make you a literature expert.
3. At the end of the day, "posthumans" are still humans.
3a. At the end of the day, "postfurries" are still furries, with all the sex obsession, blitheriness, and ego fragility that implies.
3b. At the end of the day, porn is still porn, and "because it's HAWT" is still a pretty lame reason for anything.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Cute and cuddly nazifur! =)

http://us-p.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Karri-Aronen/GestapoToon.jpg

:lol: Delicious, you talented man, you. :D

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Cute and cuddly nazifur! =)

http://us-p.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Karri-Aronen/GestapoToon.jpg

This is why I have the sig, dude. Excellent. You should post it on the nazifur LJ group, just for a hoot.

Gargoyle · Vociferator Joined: 04 Sep 2004 Posts: 455

All nutzy-hail Donny. Heil, heil, hurrey!

Cephus · Prattler Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 107

#100 - Furry is a HOBBY! It is not a lifestyle. You are not a skunk. You are not an ancient red dragon. You are a human. Get over it.

#101 - There's more to life than kinky sex. Yes, it's hard to believe but it's true.

#102 - Other furs do not exist for you to grope and fondle. Again, I know it's hard to believe but if you keep it up, you will have your testicles handed to you. Not that you'll ever really use them or anything...

#103 - Nobody gives a shit about your fetishes. Honestly. Not even that fat, ugly guy over there pretending to be the big-breasted vixen. Try having a little self-control and respect for others and STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM ENDLESSLY!