Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

m_estrugo · Vociferator Joined: 13 Nov 2003 Posts: 534

I've been thinking that, to illustrate how bizarre some aspects of the furry fandom can be, we could think how it would be if they were attracted by, say, CARS, instead of talking animals.

If that was the case, I guess we'd be used to see people wearing hats with huge alerons on their heads, and large chromed exhaust pipes attached to their stock anuses, gathering in big silly conventions where they'd say, "hey, wanna vroom with me?" or "oh, my you sure look vroomy", as they lustfully rub their bumpers with each other.

Some people would also think they are a car spirit trapped in a puny human body. Oddly enough, those people would declare they actually are Corvettes, Ferraris or Bugattis, and you wouldn't find anybody who is a cheap Hyundai.

Some other people would would find cars arousing -on a sexual way-, so they would masturbate at a picture of the New Mini, or draw a classic VW van being reared by a handsome-looking BMW. Ocassionally, you'd find the folk who actually enjoys having sex -with- cars. In such a case, they'd prefer be penetrated by an exhaust pipe rather than penetrating it themselves.

They would be into drawing cars, too. And while most people find standard cars appealing, they'd be more motivated to draw, say, a bizarre sedan-coupe-minivan-truck-JumboJet halfbreed. And they'd have huge penises, too. And they'd attach any perversion ever conceived by the human being to their creations: from sex with pedal cars to Ladas with gigantic wheels destroying houses as they ejacullate enormous amounts of lubricant oil.

Let's not forget webcomics. Most webcomics you'd find on such a fandom would turn around how misunderstood the VW-Porsche-Toyota-Chrysler main character is and how it fights against the evil domination of humans. And there would be lots of sex, all around, even when it's not needed.

Oh, and most people on that fandom would find all of this perfectly normal.

Banrai · Vociferator Joined: 13 Jan 2005 Posts: 560

uh....

Sounds...

uh.

Sure. :D

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

there really are autophiles.

they sell padding for exhaust pipes so you can have your way with your car.

Heroiini · Prattler Joined: 07 May 2005 Posts: 135

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

They'd look like Starlight Express cast.. but fatter! =)

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

Now he gay from vroom.

21st Century Digital Boy · Venter Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 202

Stamp Collectors Cry Unfair; Say 48 Hours Misrepresented Them

(AP) Culver City, CA

Donald Rogson, Head of the American Society of Stamp Collectors,
says that CBS's news magazine '48 Hours' unfairly misrepresented
him and his follow philatelists in a segment that aired nationally
last Friday.

"The press treats us like a bunch of freaks," Mr. Rogson complained
while dressed as the famous 1918 'Jenny Invert', one of the most
sought after stamps in the world.

The segment in question featured 'Stamps Across America', a
stamp collector's convention held every August in Culver City,
California. Here, stamp collectors from all across the United
State gather to discuss their hobby and purchase new additions
to their collections.

Among the hobbyist are a group called 'Stamp Lifestylers', who,
like Rogson, believe they actually are living, breathing stamps.
Stamp Lifestylers dress up as their favorite stamps, sometimes
spending thousands of dollars to achieve the desired look.

"There's nothing odd about that!" Rogson exclaimed when questioned
on his belief, "Throughout history, there's been a great affinity
between man and stamps. The Greeks wrote plays about stamps, the
Egyptians worshipped them, and the native Americans conducted
rituals to discover their own inner stamps. It's only because
Americans are such brainwashed sheep that they view anything that
isn't beer, TV or football as odd."

Rogson is not alone in his beliefs. Another man featured on Friday's
48 Hours was Eric Sumner, a Lifestylist from Las Vegas. For him,
stamps helped put him in touch with his sexuality.

"I always knew I was different," said the shy, retiring Sumner.
"I wasn't like the other kids. When they would be playing basketball,
I would be looking through American Philatelist. At the time, I
didn't know it, but I was a Philatelsexual; I was sexually attracted
to postage stamps. I went to my first stamp show and it was like
coming out of the closet."

Sumner dresses as a British Guiana 1-Cent, the most valuable stamp
in the world, with a 14'' flesh-toned rubber dildo attached right
below the 'A' in Guiana. While some may find this disturbing, Sumner
says that every hobby has its sexual aspect, pointing to coin
collectors who write erotic stories about gold Doubloons, or stunt
kite fliers who fly formations meant to look like sexual couplings.

Both men said they agreed to talk to 48 Hours on the understanding
that the show would portray Stamp Lifestylers in a positive light.
To that end, Rogson and Sumner described, in great detail, their
sexual attraction to stamps, including a practice called 'Mailing',
where a man, called a 'Mailer', licks one of the stamp-suited
Lifestylers, called 'The Post', and sticks him to a huge faux
envelope and shoves him through a mock mailslot.

"That's really the best," Rogson gushed on camera, "Being licked,
getting you back all sticky, then being stuck to the envelope . . .
oh, it's heaven! But it's not just a sexual thing, no! It's an
affirmation of who I am and what I believe in."

However, when the piece aired, both men were shocked by what they
saw.

"They made us look like a bunch of perverts!" an angry Rogson
exclaimed. "Just look at how they showed Eric's throbbing
stamp-dick! They made it look like some kind of lewd attachment
instead of the Lifestyle-confirming prosthesis it is!"

Sumner was equally upset, "I spent 22 hours telling that reporter
what it was like to be sexually attracted to postage and
how it made me who I am. Even after they begged me to stop and
began crying, I kept going on, because it's important they know
they whole story and not just concentrate on the delicious,
yummy licking!"

Both men planned to protest the show by picketing CBS's New
York headquarters while shouting "TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT, WE'RE NOT
ASHAMED TO PHILATELATE!"

The USPS was not available for comment.

-- Stuart K. Fuchs reporting.

CrazyBomber · Prattler Joined: 15 Sep 2003 Posts: 137

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

Could somebody ignite the car's motor, step on the accelerator and get the hell out of there?

Banrai · Vociferator Joined: 13 Jan 2005 Posts: 560

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

Could somebody ignite the car's motor, step on the accelerator and get the hell out of there?

I was thinking that they should slam it in reverse, first. :)

m_estrugo · Vociferator Joined: 13 Nov 2003 Posts: 534

Stamp Collectors Cry Unfair; Say 48 Hours Misrepresented Them

I guess I've got a hint on who are you. Or, at least, I know where did you took this quote from. :)

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

It would be funny if his dick got stuck in there.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Kurt Logan drew stuff with cars, no?

21st Century Digital Boy · Venter Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 202

Stamp Collectors Cry Unfair; Say 48 Hours Misrepresented Them

I guess I've got a hint on who are you. Or, at least, I know where did you took this quote from. :)

Oh lord, don't I wish I was, but sadly, no. Although come to think of it, its pretty surprising that Mike never showed up here, seeing's how he's probably pissed off more furries than any or all of us combined.

Kitsune Kiyoshi · Qualificator Joined: 16 Feb 2005 Posts: 26

I've been thinking that, to illustrate how bizarre some aspects of the furry fandom can be, we could think how it would be if they were attracted by, say, CARS, instead of talking animals.

They did that in a movie. It was called Crash.

It has nothing to do with that other movie called Crash, which is about black people.

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

*NSFW* HELLO I AM NOT WORK SAFE *NSFW*

Now he gay from vroom.

LOLORIFFIC!

Also, if all the above postings are true, then expect a huge sellout for Pixar's upcoming Cars at the cinemas and on DVD.

Furries have Brother Bear. Autophilles will have Cars.

Brentos · Apocrisiary Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 48

The whole idea of this cracks me up, the only problem is my comics, which feature sentient vehicles would also be labeled as sick vroomy shit along with with the label of furry. There would be so much angst!

On the 'report' from the AP, I somehow suspect it's a gag. I just can't believe there's a stamp fetish. But I've been wrong before.

As for the insane man with his knob shoved up the exhaust pipe, ( Ah Crush Yiff Destroy... where else could I type something like that? ) the vehicle wouldn't even start. In fact if you take a potato and shove it onto your buddy's car exhaust it won't start. It makes for a perfect April Fool's Day gag.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Report from AP? Huh?

What did I do now?

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

associated press

Barry Scott · Prattler Joined: 09 May 2005 Posts: 152

I think if you looked hard enough you could find a fetish for anything you can possibly imagine. Furries stick out because you don't need to LOOK for them to find them because of their need to vandalise art portals and games like Second Life with their shit. That and their reaction when they get told to fuck off and stop ruining things for everyone of course.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Furry doesn't seem to be an individual fetish so much as every fetish in the world rolled up into a sticky, smelly ball of freaky sex.

Genghis · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 322

Furry doesn't seem to be an individual fetish so much as every fetish in the world rolled up into a sticky, smelly ball of freaky sex.

So it's likean NC-17 version of Katamary Damacy?

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Furry doesn't seem to be an individual fetish so much as every fetish in the world rolled up into a sticky, smelly ball of freaky sex.
So it's likean NC-17 version of Katamary Damacy?

Sweet game! =)