Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

Chris Baird · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 78

"FurrySpotting" Original idea from 1997.

Choose no life. Choose a non-English name. Choose a species.
Choose no talent. Choose between Yerf and VCL. Choose animal-
themed t-shirts, cars, computers, and porcelain fridge
magnets. Choose prismacolors and a mental imbalance.
Choose sucking up to a forum regular whatever
their ego-driven politics. Choose furrymuck and
wondering why the fuck you're connected on a Sunday
morning. Choose uninspired derivative pencil drawings
from FurBid, with fifty dollar minimum bids. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, in some miserable IRC
channel, nothing more than an embarrassment to the
selfish fucked-up Art Ghods who eliminate those with
genuine ability.

Choose your Fandom.

Choose Furry.

Chris Baird · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 78

All Australians between the ages of 25 and 35 should know the original by heart...
Unfortunately, a lot of the "energy" in the song isn't that apparent in just reading it. I'll hunt around for an MP3 of the original...>

* I Want to Spill the Blood of a Furry.

Well I left my life in the Fandom of the Fur.
Left their newage rampage, what a trip-trip-trip!
This lycanthropic rhetoric that they don't understand.
Open up your mind. Button up your lip-lip-lip!

'Cause
I'm sick... of conversations with people I despise.
I'm sick... of free "art", and always wasting my time.
I'm sick... of "Furvert", "Tygger", and "Meow!"
I'm sick... of it all. I want to Crush! Kill! Destroy!

I wanna spill the blood of a Furry.
I'm eager to stone a drone artist drawing fursonas.
I wanna switchblade, and break their fingers.
An enema, not love. That's what the fandom needs now.

Furry fandom and its artwork, it's a sorry sight.
She's a wannabe, another loser, learns to trace-trace-trace.
And jacked into the 'Net, she's got a web address.
She hasn't got a life. She's a waste of space-space-space.

Well I say
No more... "Order from Mailbox books".
No more... "My portfolio's done" or "I'll release a print".
No more... I got this headache. Christ, what's the use?
I'm gonna get a gun and make my own kinda fun!

I had a date at eight with a fan called "Fleur".
I had to see her artwork, what a trip-trip-trip.
She offered me a folder, full of self portraits.
Done in prismacolor markers. Oh how hip-hip-hip.

Then
I saw her... With a print from Gene Catlow on the wall.
I saw her... Drawing a tigress wearing a sarong.
I saw her... Saying "Furvert", "Tygger", and "Meow!"
Then I sawed her... In half, I can't tell which piece I want.

I saw another pointless furry comic strip.
Immature visions of life from a geek-geek-geek.
Get all the artists, publishers, and net-junkies.
Back onto Crack, and off the street-street-street.

Well I say
No more... "Order from Mailbox books"
No more... "I'm going to the Con" or "I'm selling a print".
There's a Furry in my house. He drives me mad.
It wouldn't be so bad if he was someone else's Dad!

Genocide, not Genesis. That's what the fandom needs now.

Chris Baird · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 78

Filked from T.I.S.M's "Give Up for Australia".

*-*

may all our young artist wannabes,
be resigned to failure.
may our genre's state,
be always second-rate!

The steady comic sales,
evade furry's appraisers.
do as history teaches,
stick to drawing foxen bitches!

Give up! Give up! Give up!
Give up your Fur Fandom!

(hands up! who wants to die?)

we need an arthur miller,
not an avi kaiser.
may the quality indifference,
always impead furry's acceptance!

Give up! Give up! Give up!
Give up! Give up! Give up!
Give up your Fur Fandom!
Give up your Fur Fandom!
Give up your Fur Fandom!
Give up your Fur Fandom!

*-*

I now have the urge to play the TISM track "How Do I Love Thee"
/really/loud/ whenever I hear or reminded of someone finding
true luuuuvvvv over a Mud. I also reckon "Play Mistral for
Me" should be made the official anthem of alt.fan.furry. :/

(Shut up...or my next song will be "I'm on the Drug that Killed
Kenneth Sample.")

--
Chris

Apologies to Ron Hilter-Barassi, et.al.

From yet another obscure Australian 'comedy' group. However, this time I have a link to a low-quality sample of the original song: http://hunter.apana.org.au/~cjb/TISM-giveupforaustralia.ogg. And yes, I am on a dialu p link.

Mitch · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 290

"FurrySpotting" Original idea from 1997.

Choose no life. Choose a non-English name. Choose a species.
Choose no talent. Choose between Yerf and VCL. Choose animal-
themed t-shirts, cars, computers, and porcelain fridge
magnets. Choose prismacolors and a mental imbalance.
Choose sucking up to a forum regular whatever
their ego-driven politics. Choose furrymuck and
wondering why the fuck you're connected on a Sunday
morning. Choose uninspired derivative pencil drawings
from FurBid, with fifty dollar minimum bids. Choose
rotting away at the end of it all, in some miserable IRC
channel, nothing more than an embarrassment to the
selfish fucked-up Art Ghods who eliminate those with
genuine ability.

Choose your Fandom.

Choose Furry.

Michael Hirtes · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 519

Here's a couple of classics I wrote a few years ago (and since it IS coming up to that time of the season.......):

"Bondage and Mechs..."

To the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen":

Oh,worry much, you fur artists
for Bob's com-ing this way.
With big black books with semen stains
he'll make you rue this day.
His B.O. is so hid-e-ous
you'll want to run away
to a-void drawing him bondage and mechs

Bondage and mechs

To a-void drawing him bondage and mechs.

He'll blath-er on for hours
about this girl he's made,
who bounty hunts in the daytime
but nighttime, she's a slave.
You wish you could tell this geek off,
but you have bills to pay.
So, you sit there, and take it like a man

The best that you can

So, you sit right there and take it like a man.

He'll shuffle onto Terrie's spot, and bore her for a spell.
He'll ask her stupid questions
'bout how she draws cunts so well?
She grins a grin and signals Glen
to tell Bob "Go to Hell!".
But dumb Bob,he just blathers on and on

On and on

He'll just stand right there and blather on and on.

This goes on for a few more days
and everyone is glad.
At 5 O'clock,the con's over
(and the worst time that they've had).
But if you think Bob is a jerk
wait till you meet his DAD.
And, he'll gripe YOU out for his spawn's phone bills

Stacked to his gills

And, he'll blame YOU for his re-tard son's phone bills.

________________________________________________

"The Waddle Song...."

To the tune of "The Wassail Song" (Here We Come A-Caroling):

Oh here he comes, a waddling
He looks like old Ed Gein.
Here he comes a stumbling
A laughingstock to be seen.

Oh my God, Bob is here!
Mitch Beiro cowers in fear.
And you pray, that he somehow does not ever see you there.
And you pray, that he never sees you there.

Oh, he's laden down with his black books
each one a sticky page.
Wand'ring around the con tables
looking for Daphne Lage.

Where does he get his cash?
How much moola has he stashed?
And his wal-let, will it run close to being near empty?
Will he get broke, and end our misery?

Oh, good Lord no!
He's shuffling near Kelly Freas' space.
He's sure to shove some porno
right into the poor guy's face.

What's the deal? Why's this guy bent?
Is he a lab ex-per-i-ment
that the Army did, way back sometime in nineteen sixty-three
and somehow, Bob got hold of the cage keys?

________________________________________________

And for those who may remember "George Comix":

(to the tune of "Rudolph")

George Klontz, the browridged moron
Hung around the shopping mall.
Waiting to see San-ta Claus
Seated out among the stalls.

Kids and their moms were retching.
Gagging on his putrid smell.
What could cause a man to stink so?
They wondered but couldn't tell.

Then when it was George's turn, Santa starts to cringe.
He tried to push George away.
(That's when George became unhinged).
Security then maced him
and hauled George's ass away.
Locked up "for observation".
His review is set for May.

("WAUGH! Humbug!")

________________________________________________

And this particular one fresh from my rotten mind, for 2003:

(sung to the tune of "Holly Jolly Christmas")

Have a yiffy, skritchy Christmas
While with civet oil, you smear.
Grab your lion dong, and come along.
We're all sad losers here.

Have a yiffy, skritchy Christmas
And when you prance at the Furmeet
Make a "Chirp" at the friends you slurp
and show off your fake teats.

Aw Jeez! The PoE
sez we are all freaks.
But we don't care
'Cuz our derrieres
hungers for some meat.

Have a yiffy, skritchy Christmas.
Since we're all a bunch of queers.
So in a jiffy, have a yiffy,
skritchy Christmas this year.

GoManVanGogh · Coadjutor Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 140

Silfur got run over by a reindeer
Right before a furry cabaret
You can say theres no such thing as Santa
But somebody sure made MY holiday

It was at a winter Furcon
One that we won't soon forget
He was walking in a snowstorm
So his nipples would be at their most erect
When we went out to check on him
What we saw, we stared at long
Just a bloody track of hoof-prints
And a Dixie-Cup strapped to a leather thong

Now the con-staff has no answers
They just don't know what to do
With this noel hit-and-run job
It's not likely there will be a Furcon 2
All the fursuits have black ribbons
Every tail's hanging low
But we take comfort in one thought
This is probably how he would want to go

The whole dealer room's in mourning
A bunch of melancholy blokes
Guess it's quite the tribulation
To have lost such a great subject for your jokes
And the 'stylers are all whining
They all think this really sucks
But don't blame it on the reindeer
You see, I'M the one who slipped him fifty bucks!

PhilMaddox · Recusant Joined: 21 Nov 2003 Posts: 7

That is the funniest damned thing I've seen all week.

Dogthing · Coadjutor Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 207

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH *gasp* AAAAAHHHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAAH

God, that is going up around school. I fucking swear, I am printing out and copying that son of a bitch and taping it up around my school's stairways.

HOW MANY WILL ANSWER THE CALL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!?!

JMauv · Recusant Joined: 22 Nov 2003 Posts: 3

lollercoaster