Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

Middy · Qualificator Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 16

What do you think? At best, this might be one aspect of why the fandom interests the saner furries (heh), but even then it seems like a stretch. Just another attempt to make the fandom sound decent, only this one is by a Big Name Furry -- not that that is going to mean anything to anyone this was written for.

I'm surprised it's not in all caps, considering who typed it.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

The opening phrase alone reeks of pretentious bullshit.

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

I couldn't make it past the second sentence. What 2 fails to realize is that rambling on about how great Furry is just makes him an even bigger blowhard.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

2 can write that eloquently? :o With the "What the yiff"s, the "You know" s and the "FUUCCCKING COCK!"s I assumed he really didn't have much beyond that. His LJ is even written very differently. Notice the "occationally" in his LJ entry over this.

No friends, this is neither 2's style nor language. It reads more like the official AC
"Whatisfurry?", which means it may have been written by the same person. Although I could be easily wrong.

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

I made it up to civilization said "oh jesus" and left.

That was about 5 words.

baserock love · Vociferator Joined: 04 Dec 2004 Posts: 685

At one point i thought he was stealing lines from the intro to the watership down movie. Then i realized it's just another furry trying to justify his rediculous fetish, i've had enough of that for one lifetime (unless it's babyfurs and cub art afficianados, then i'm all ears).

I thought it was funny him bringing such macho images as the miami dolphins and ford mustangs (which are shit BTW) to try and stick it to the mundanes. I could totally see him saying something like that to a meathead jock right before said jock pounds his face in for being openly furry.

FascistMundane · Qualificator Joined: 28 Oct 2005 Posts: 15

Since the birth of civilization, man has used the meat of animals to feed himself.

Thats why I dress up as a tender peice of sirloin.

Actually, fuck, now I'm hungry.

Octan · Coadjutor Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 77

However, though animals have often represented virtues, they have also symbolized violence,
uncontrolled sexual desires, sin, hate and lawlessness. Satan himself has horns and a tail.
A vast amount of negative dogma (no pun intended) has been placed on furries for this reason.
Because of this, and with the help of sensationalist media, the sub-culture is currently widely misunderstood
and even feared and disliked by some people.

Ah, so that's it. People hate furries because they think animals are immoral puppets of Satan. Thank you so much for clearing that up for us, Mr. 2. :?

Troggler · Venter Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 246

I agree with Dr. Mojo and Weird_guy. The minute i saw the opening paragraph, The first thing that sprang to my mind was the voice of the Unreal Tournament guy going "Bu-bu-bu-BULLL SHIIIIIIIIT...." Also, TL;DR.

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 659

As a car company would use the symbol of an animal to capture the essense of their vehicle, furries use animals to capture the essense of themselves as individuals!

You show me ONE furry who's honest enough with himself to express his true qualities and genuine essence.

Can't find one, huh?

There's a reason for this.

Middy · Qualificator Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 16

2 can write that eloquently? :o With the "What the yiff"s, the "You know" s and the "FUUCCCKING COCK!"s I assumed he really didn't have much beyond that. His LJ is even written very differently. Notice the "occationally" in his LJ entry over this.

No friends, this is neither 2's style nor language. It reads more like the official AC
"Whatisfurry?", which means it may have been written by the same person. Although I could be easily wrong.

Well, 2 says he wrote it. Even the biggest loudmouth can feign intelligence, unfortunately, so I believe him.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Well, 2 says he wrote it. Even the biggest loudmouth can feign intelligence, unfortunately, so I believe him.

He manages to force 'astute' and 'mutually exclusive' in one reply, so yeah, I guess he knows big words too. Still, it's just a nice excuse for him to have a reason to jerk it to hyperendowed wolfies. :lol:

Middy · Qualificator Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 16

Yeah, gotta love the logic. Animals were used as linguistic symbols and car names, so... what? Furries are words and cars?

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

It seems 2 has more letters.

Question being, he mentions he was a preacher? Wow. I guess even Stalin started off in the clergy...

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

BLABLABLASUCKMYCAWKBLABLABLA
I think Dr. Mojo summed it up best.

pretentious bullshit.

That my friends, is now the official 2 The Ranting Gryphon primer.
Learn it.

Monkey King · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 459

furries use animals to capture the essense of themselves as individuals!

Right, individuals. Which is why the furry population consists almost entirely of canines, dragons, skunks, or predator cats.

However, though animals have often represented virtues, they have also symbolized violence, uncontrolled sexual desires, sin, hate and lawlessness. Satan himself has horns and a tail. A vast amount of negative dogma (no pun intended) has been placed on furries for this reason. Because of this, and with the help of sensationalist media, the sub-culture is currently widely misunderstood and even feared and disliked by some people.

OMG FURSECUTION

In mentioning all the negative aspects associated with animals, it's significant that he does not downplay or deny that such habits are prevalent among furries. He just uses the same old yarn of "There's just a few bad apples in the bunch." You cannot attend even one convention and continue to hold that view unless you're - pardon the expression - contantly wearing horse-blinders.

Looking on the furry fandom as a perverted group because a furry has expressed a socially unpopular idea in a furry way would be like considering German a filthy language because someone curses with it.

One, logical fallacy: weak analogy. A fandom is quite different from a spoken language. Two, a furry expressing ~~his desire to fuck his dog~~ a socially unpopular idea is percieved to be speaking for the fandom as a whole because of the furry groupthink. His fellow furries actively affirm his "unpopular ideas", or else do not speak out against them and thus more or less give tacit approval. It is, quite literally, furry policy to accept and condone any idea expressed by one of its members.

There's so much else here I could pick apart, but I keep being overcome with TL;DR syndrome when I look at it. Maybe I'll come back to it later.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

TL;DR indeed. I didn't make it past the first three paragraphs. Where 2 does, however, make the usual furry mistake of talking about animals' "distinct qualities" and "the essense of their character". Bollocks. We relate to animals on the symbolic level he talks about by ascribing exclusively human traits to animals (that obviously do not have those traits). That's what anthropomorphism is, and this is what furries always get wrong. It's the human characteristics of anthro characters that makes it possible to relate to them, not the animal characteristics.

adabsurdum · Rasophore Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 53

A "furry" is a person who loves and embraces this animal language more than anyone else.

No. It's a bit more than being a cunning linguist (sic)...

As a furry, instead of saying, "I'm a fairly quick witted person. I'm sly and can slip my way out of a bad situation," you would simply say, "I am a fox!"

I'm a fox, alright. A sexy, sexy fox. All the time--THE FUN NEVER ENDS!

Every person has different ideas and beliefs. Some
of them are positive and some are negative.

God, this is so vague. It's like aphoristic suicide.

The furry culture is about communication.

And retreatism from every form of life except what you and your MUCK buddies enjoy.

:( I think I need a shower... so dirty... and vulpine...

.....

NOOOO!

5thehardway · Prattler Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 161

"Joe was a bear of a man, mostly because he ate like a pig. He was a packrat and stuborn as a mule, which
is probably why he was usually sick as a dog and as grouchy as an old badger."

Aaaaaaaand to cop a phrase from the Rolling Stones: don't forget "horny as a hog." :roll:

The New Meat · Needs to get out more Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 933

SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME MAN HAS STRIVED BLAH BLAH BLAH

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!!!!

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

Many furries are talented and accomplished artists and will express animal symbology in drawings and stories. Others might wear a horse tail or cat ears.

Or ogle furry porn or screw en masse in mascot costumes. :| C'mon people, it just looks stupid. :?

Barry Scott · Prattler Joined: 09 May 2005 Posts: 152

"Since the birth of civilization, there have been ugly people that members of the oppisit sex wouldn't even touch, let alone sleep with..."

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

Furries are simply the modern equivalent of the old animal shamans who told stories and drew pictures of animals to represent the human world.

My history teacher never said anything about shamans going to the local anthrocon in a fursuit wrapped in leather bondage and getting wasted. She must have left that part out.

MagnusSkin · Prattler Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 106

Why do people listen to this guy and think he is interesting and edgey?
I see furries with his quotes on their sigs and hail him like fat goth kids do to that guy, whats his face... Invader Zim creator... that dude. Could someone explain to me, in a nutshell, why he isn't beaten with a stick and left for dead?

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

Why do people listen to this guy and think he is interesting and edgey?
I see furries with his quotes on their sigs and hail him like fat goth kids do to that guy, whats his face... Invader Zim creator... that dude. Could someone explain to me, in a nutshell, why he isn't beaten with a stick and left for dead?

Because he's an idiot and today's society is way to appreciative of idiots. Especially a bass ackwards fandom like furry.

P.S.: I think the Invader Zim creator's name is Jhonen Vasquez or something...

whats his face

...his face is thin and scrawny, much unlike his creepy cult of followers who think screaming "MORTOS IS WEARING RUBBER PANTS" at the top of their grease-sac lungs is clever or something, but I digress.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

P.S.: I think the Invader Zim creator's name is Jhonen Vasquez or something...

If you dare misspeak that as 'Jhonny' around a goth, they won't shut their mouths for like a full minute of how that's an insult to him and how brilliant he is, blah blah blah. Roman Dirge is so much better though, with richer characters, less cliches and he pokes fun at gothic culture more than having tales like "I am the dark crusader of injustice, fear my black hair mortal..." crap.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

P.S.: I think the Invader Zim creator's name is Jhonen Vasquez or something...

If you dare misspeak that as 'Jhonny' around a goth, they won't shut their mouths for like a full minute of how that's an insult to him and how brilliant he is, blah blah blah. Roman Dirge is so much better though, with richer characters, less cliches and he pokes fun at gothic culture more than having tales like "I am the dark crusader of injustice, fear my black hair mortal..." crap.

Haha, agreed.
Although I do like Invader Zim.

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

If you dare misspeak that as 'Jhonny' around a goth, they won't shut their mouths for like a full minute of how that's an insult to him and how brilliant he is, blah blah blah.

Thanks for the warning, though it is a bit uneeded. I spend a full school day trying to avoid those types of people. I usually fail. 'Nuff said.

he pokes fun at gothic culture more than having tales like "I am the dark crusader of injustice, fear my black hair mortal..." crap.

Or the Satanist vampire wannabes who listen to Slipknot and talk about AK-47s like they're the finest guns ever made, among other freaks. I've seen 'em all.

MagnusSkin · Prattler Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 106

Satanist vampire wannabes who listen to Slipknot and talk about AK-47s like they're the finest guns ever made

What?

I hated highschool... spent alot of time being truant. Kids and their groups... goths, punks, preps... they're all worthless kids.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

The whole funny thing is that if the poser"goths' EVER ran across a real Demon or Vampire(if such beings did exist)the poser goths would put them down for not being cool enough...then,no doubt ,said Demon or Vampire would use their guts for garters. :lol: :lol: :lol: ,Yep,Iv'e know goths that were cool,and some that were pretentious losers...Kinda like film buffs, or s.f. fans..the good ones are really nice and cool,and the posers and hangers-on are sad wastes of flesh. :roll: Oh well :)

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

The whole funny thing is that if the poser"goths' EVER ran across a real Demon or Vampire(if such beings did exist)the poser goths would put them down for not being cool enough...then,no doubt ,said Demon or Vampire would use their guts for garters.

Hehe...garters. Somewhat like if a "Gangsta" wannabe today ever even saw a real gangster (not that "yo yo yo, word up" crap, I mean the ones from the 30s who had a little dignity), he'd probably piss his pants. I'm gonna change the subject back abruptly. Ready?

2? What the hell kind of name is 2, anyway? Is that supposed to sound gangsta? (You wanna' be 2-pac, huh? You wanna' be 2-can-sam huh?) I'm almost afraid to ask what his inspiration was for that name.

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

2? What the hell kind of name is 2, anyway? Is that supposed to sound gangsta? (You wanna' be 2-pac, huh? You wanna' be 2-can-sam huh?) I'm almost afraid to ask what his inspiration was for that name.

It was as high as he could count.

I think it was from a MYSTICAL DREAM. Or maybe that was the I AM A GRPYHON WHAT NOW

Middy · Qualificator Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 16

2? What the hell kind of name is 2, anyway? Is that supposed to sound gangsta? (You wanna' be 2-pac, huh? You wanna' be 2-can-sam huh?) I'm almost afraid to ask what his inspiration was for that name.

It was as high as he could count.

I think it was from a MYSTICAL DREAM. Or maybe that was the I AM A GRPYHON WHAT NOW

"It actually came to me in a dream I had about a stone gryphon."

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

2? What the hell kind of name is 2, anyway? Is that supposed to sound gangsta? (You wanna' be 2-pac, huh? You wanna' be 2-can-sam huh?) I'm almost afraid to ask what his inspiration was for that name.

It was as high as he could count.

I think it was from a MYSTICAL DREAM. Or maybe that was the I AM A GRPYHON WHAT NOW

"It actually came to me in a dream I had about a stone gryphon."

HAHAHAHAHA
Yeah, he's a furry alright...

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

The whole funny thing is that if the poser"goths' EVER ran across a real Demon or Vampire(if such beings did exist)the poser goths would put them down for not being cool enough...then,no doubt ,said Demon or Vampire would use their guts for garters. :lol: :lol: :lol: ,Yep,Iv'e know goths that were cool,and some that were pretentious losers...Kinda like film buffs, or s.f. fans..the good ones are really nice and cool,and the posers and hangers-on are sad wastes of flesh. :roll: Oh well :)

Sorta like what would happen if furries ran into a real werewolf. About as messy too.

Oh, back on topic though...

I know it's an archaic and crazy idea, but I make my music by playing these ancient devices known as 'instruments', through which you actually use your hands to manipulate strings or keys to make sound. Not that there's anything wrong with clicking a button in a program and having it generate a song for you... actually, yes there is. It's fucking lazy and uncreative and will be the death of music as we know it.

He obviously doesn't know that the best synthesized musicians like Dick Hymen (yes, that's his actual name) or Frank Klepacki just happen to also be real musicians as well, often recording their own samples for later mixing. One still needs a deep understandinf of music to make it sound worth a damn, unlike 2's techno crap. Of course, we can't expect much more than "2 SMASH" rant logic when you talk about methodology he doesn't employ. :roll:

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

Q: Where did you get a name like "2".
A: It actually came to me in a dream I had about a stone gryphon.

What's the connection other than that they're both (2 and the gryphon) stoned? I have no idea how he couldv'e pulled the number 2 out of the drug dream he described.

I fear he may actually think this was some sort of spirit guardian apparation demanding that he rant insanely to bad techno music. I'm afraid of the furure.

Foxid · Venter Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 298

2...hmm...

Number of seconds he can go without screaming the word 'FUCK'?
Number of times he had to fellate Conway to get a permanent programming slot at AC?
Percentage of his fanbase that may someday realize he's not all that funny?
Degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon?

Philip Savage · Prattler Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 129

2...hmm...

Number of seconds he can go without screaming the word 'FUCK'?

2 seconds? Are you mad? He'll never survive.

MagnusSkin · Prattler Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 106

Jerry, if VAMPIRES and WEREWOLVES did exist... they'd tell you to PISS OFF cause they're trying to watch the ADAM's FAMILY...

Dun dun dun dun *SNAP* *SNAP*

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

Degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon?

Hmm.
Kevin Bacon>Voiced 'Balto'>'Balto' is a movie worshipped and fapped to by many furries>2 is a furry.
Hmm.
Well, I personally think that '2' is a proper description of his 'rants'. 2...number 2...shit...
Yeah, I'm unoriginal. But seriously.
Either that or he's a lightweight and that's how many shots he took at some furry drinking party before stumbling into a lamp and vomiting on a ZigZag suit.
Hee.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

He just picked the name '2' so he'd show up on the first page of 'art' on LavaDome, methinks.

He is correct about one thing, he does suck at 'art'. Hence why he removed it from his own site. Oh, and VERY NSFW.

Middy · Qualificator Joined: 06 Oct 2005 Posts: 16

He just picked the name '2' so he'd show up on the first page of 'art' on LavaDome, methinks.

He is correct about one thing, he does suck at 'art'. Hence why he removed it from his own site. Oh, and VERY NSFW.

If you're right, it's funny, especially because it means he's lying to his legions of fans.

...Great, he's a macrophile, too.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

...Great, he's a macrophile, too.

Well DUH. How do you think he could ever hobnob his way into furry stardom if he didn't jerk it to Godzilla like any other culturally refined furry?

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

http://download.lavadomefive.com/LD5%20Artists/2%20(Two)/slides/2_doral.html
NOT WORK SAFE
but LOL