Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

I know people around here kind of hate these "im an artist and this random fanboy was soooo annoying" type stories, but this one cracked me up, so I had to share. (Just to warn you, this contains some OMG LJ-style drama. These first few graphs are just some background crap, which may or may not interest you. For the funny bit, you can just skip straight to the bottom)

As I may have mentioned before, my girlfriend's something of an artist in the furry scene and she was commissioned by some dude ( I forget the actual name, but it was something startlingly original like "Canus" or something) to draw a pic of his "fursona" - which was a ludicrously over-muscled wolf with a giant schlong in leather bondage gear. Again, his originality knows no bounds.

Anyway, to show what he wanted he emailed her a couple pictures he'd commissioned from various other artists. Despite the subject matter, these weren't bad pictures; they were more than competent by furry standards, at least. In fact, I'd say they were decent. Nevertheless, Canus wailed that these artists had completely botched the job. And why was that? Because, in one, the light wasn't shining off the leather correctly. In another, the penis didn't look quite right. Etc. etc.

Anyway, my gf drew a pic based on his description. He requested some changes. And, after she redrew it, he requested more changes. This went on for a good month or so. Finally, he was satisfied with it enough that she inked and colored it. But she went outside the lines a little, so he wrote back "I have detected some spillage. This will ABSOLUTELY need to be corrected." So she whited it out, which, of course, made it look like crap. But he seemed to like it.

So she finally sent this MIGHTY WOLF SCHLONG picture off to him. And, because she could, she went and posted a copy to he Deviant Art and VCL accounts. And in the DA desciption she wrote, "I drew this for a guy who was a real perfectionist." And someone posted a response stating, in its entirety, "I can't stand perfectionists." So Canus emails this random poster to tell him to FUCK HIMSELF BLAH BLAH BLAH.

He also wrote to my gf saying, "Your statement is inaccurate. I'm not a perfectionist. If I was, I would have also pointed out these other things that were wrong with the drawing: The spikes on his straps are not pointy enough etc." and he went off on a list there.

Still, despite all these problems, he still wanted to commission her again. She declined. He disappeared for a bit, but eventually she received a message from the next artist he hooked, complaining about him and asking how she handled him.

Anyway, that's all vaguely amusing. But this is the punchline. Canus wrote to my gf again, demanding that she remove his picture from VCL and DA because this latest artist had done such a horrible job that he decided he was no longer a furry and wanted all record of his furriness expunged. He wrote, and this is an exact quote, SHE RUINED FURRY FOR ME.

I love that. SHE RUINED FURRY FOR ME

Anonymous · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 767

Drama like this makes my life worth living.

Paul · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 138

SHE RUINED FURRY FOR ME

We need more artists capable of doing that!

Michael Hirtes · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 519

Well, send us a link to this "wuffie gots a big weewee" pic you speak about.

(Not that I'm interested in wuffie weewees. Just that I wanna know what "perfection" is supposed to look like. :mrgreen: )

Anonymous · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 767

Well, send us a link to this "wuffie gots a big weewee" pic you speak about.

(Not that I'm interested in wuffie weewees. Just that I wanna know what "perfection" is supposed to look like. :mrgreen: )

TREMBLE BEFORE THE MANLY PERFECTION THAT IS CANIS CLAXIS FEEBLE HYOOMAN

GIVE THE DOG A BONER SOMEONE

Wayd Wolf · Coadjutor Joined: 06 Oct 2003 Posts: 456

Well, send us a link to this "wuffie gots a big weewee" pic you speak about.

(Not that I'm interested in wuffie weewees. Just that I wanna know what "perfection" is supposed to look like. :mrgreen: )

TREMBLE BEFORE THE MANLY PERFECTION THAT IS CANIS CLAXIS FEEBLE HYOOMAN

GIVE THE DOG A BONER SOMEONE

There's a whole season of Road Rovers episodes gone horribly wrong in a nightmarish way all summed up in this picture.

Computolio · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 349

There's a whole season of He-Man episodes gone horribly wrong in a nightmarish way all summed up in this picture.

Fixed.

Tailgunner · Coadjutor Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 161

Wow, not too often you see a pic involving sex education, he's wearing a rubber!

Remember kiddies, do your part to prevent the spread of the furries! Hand them condoms where ever you see them!

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

Well, send us a link to this "wuffie gots a big weewee" pic you speak about.

(Not that I'm interested in wuffie weewees. Just that I wanna know what "perfection" is supposed to look like. :mrgreen: )

TREMBLE BEFORE THE MANLY PERFECTION THAT IS CANIS CLAXIS FEEBLE HYOOMAN

GIVE THE DOG A BONER SOMEONE

Blarg. Yes, that's it.

Though, actually, this picture isn't really perfection. I believe the cock shading didn't meet with his approval.

In any event, I'm more interested in seeing the pic that ruined furry for him, but I don't think that one's posted anywhere.

Michael Hirtes · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 519

Well, send us a link to this "wuffie gots a big weewee" pic you speak about.

(Not that I'm interested in wuffie weewees. Just that I wanna know what "perfection" is supposed to look like. :mrgreen: )

TREMBLE BEFORE THE MANLY PERFECTION THAT IS CANIS CLAXIS FEEBLE HYOOMAN

GIVE THE DOG A BONER SOMEONE

Is it just me, or does wuffie look like he has a second pair of balls (and they're mounted on the top side of the shaft)?

And BTW, look at the pose the wuffie is doing and then look at THIS while thinking of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man":

"DEHHHHHHN...DEHHHHHHN....DEHHHN-EUH-DEHN!....DEHNDEHNDEHNDEHNDEHNDEHNDEHNDEHN...DEHHN...DEHHH-DENHHHHHH!!!"

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

Is it just me, or does wuffie look like he has a second pair of balls (and they're mounted on the top side of the shaft)?

You are correct, sir. For, you see, this wuffie has a knot in his wang. It's a dog thing.

Anonymous · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 767

Wow, not too often you see a pic involving sex education, he's wearing a rubber!

Remember kiddies, do your part to prevent the spread of the furries! Hand them condoms where ever you see them!

Youthanasia through cyanide is also a good option

Michael Hirtes · Coadjutor Joined: 04 Aug 2003 Posts: 519

Is it just me, or does wuffie look like he has a second pair of balls (and they're mounted on the top side of the shaft)?

You are correct, sir. For, you see, this wuffie has a knot in his wang. It's a dog thing.

Yeah. I know it's a dog's thing, but what is that lump on his thing?

j/k

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

Is it just me, or does wuffie look like he has a second pair of balls (and they're mounted on the top side of the shaft)?

You are correct, sir. For, you see, this wuffie has a knot in his wang. It's a dog thing.

Yeah. I know it's a dog's thing, but what is that lump on his thing?

j/k

Sorry, by "it's a dog thing" I didn't mean "It's a dog's thing," I meant "this is a thing which is commonly associated with dogs."

Uh, well, I assume it's the knot. Since I think real dog penises are constructed that way.

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

*cymbal crash*

That wasn't so much amusing as sad. I feel sorry for your girlfriend or anyone who has to tolerate such an idiot. Christ, sure, you're paying for it, but what the hell is the point of having an artist portray your character if you're not going to let them get a "feel" for it, and do their system with their own style?

Dogthing · Coadjutor Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 207

Someone talking about me? :(

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

Someone talking about me? :(

YASE!

We think you are naughty. Very, very naughty.

Computolio · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 349

You are correct, sir. For, you see, this wuffie has a knot in his wang. It's a dog thing.

Somebody post that cartoon of Shmorky getting a furry commission STAT.

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

Somebody post that cartoon of Shmorky getting a furry commission STAT.

Ok, fine..

Genghis · Coadjutor Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 186

You are correct, sir. For, you see, this wuffie has a knot in his wang. It's a dog thing.

Somebody post that cartoon of Shmorky getting a furry commission STAT.

Edit: fuck, beaten

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

Edit: fuck, beaten

Yeah, but I actually had to go LOOKING through smut to find it. Granted, some of it is still funny, but gah, what was poor Shmorky on? :)

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

Edit: fuck, beaten

Yeah, but I actually had to go LOOKING through smut to find it. Granted, some of it is still funny, but gah, what was poor Shmorky on? :)

They gave him money to do it, I believe. Therefore, it wasn't a total loss.

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

They gave him money to do it, I believe. Therefore, it wasn't a total loss.

Wait... whoa, whoa... backup the truck. Money - from KEENSPACE?

AAhahAHahhahAHhaaa*gasp*aaHAhahaaaaaa...pshew. Thanks for that. :lol:

The New Meat · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 327

They gave him money to do it, I believe. Therefore, it wasn't a total loss.

Wait... whoa, whoa... backup the truck. Money - from KEENSPACE?

AAhahAHahhahAHhaaa*gasp*aaHAhahaaaaaa...pshew. Thanks for that. :lol:

No, I just meant "they" as in "people in general" gave him money. Not specifically for doing a keenspace comic. For doing smut. My bad for not being clear.

At least, that's my understanding. Though I suppose we could always ask Schmorky if that was the case.

DatdudeGil · Qualificator Joined: 25 Feb 2004 Posts: 36

Damn that Schmorky! He wasted a bullet that would've served a much better purpose going through that fur's brain.

can't type, shivering. Fuck it's cold. Makes me actually wish I had fur right now.

...or even a sweater, anyone have a sweater I can use?

Shmorky · Coadjutor Joined: 22 Nov 2003 Posts: 182

If you start from the beginning you'll notice Smut gets weirder. I was really losing my mind doing porn commissions and SMUT was my reaction. It's no longer funny, but at the time it was. Smut had links to auctions and a link to Slipshine, a pay site that I did dirty drawings for and I got paid to do them. The site itself was pretty worthless and day by day I was just updating it so there'd be content. The hits were amazing for a little rinky-dink piece of shit that never had any advertising.

Rankin · Coadjutor Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 488

If you start from the beginning you'll notice Smut gets weirder. I was really losing my mind doing porn commissions and SMUT was my reaction.

I remember your 'plug' for SlipShine... "or just look at the fucking anime". I think it was your "off the wall" antics that drove so many of us to it - personally, I needed a refuge after otakufeh died. :(