Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

Tailgunner · Venter Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 209

Do us all a favor and simply shoot first, aim for the tires, then nail the driver. Don't even bother taking names.

Furbid scares meh. :P

mouse · Needs to get out more Joined: 13 Jul 2003 Posts: 817

Im gonna buy some of those and put them on my six four, bitch

What then???? huh???

:D

ZenZhu · Needs to get out more Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 897

Nothing says I'm desperate and dorky like naked vixen mudflap decals. Somehow, I think those would earn you an ass-whupping at the local truckstops. Or, maybe they're hoping for an ass-raping.

"Breaker. Breaker. Y'all got yer ears on?"

"Thertainly do, you big bear of a trucker. Baby bear ith wearing hith tail, too."

"You go to hell. You go to hell and you die."

Makes me kind of think of Weird Al's "Truck Drivin' Song."

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

My diesel rig is northward bound
It's time to put that hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight

Because I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck
Got these eighteen wheels a-rollin' until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much
But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch

But still I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a truck
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck
And I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Computolio · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 462

If I was a trucker I might buy that just to fuck with people.

Actually, no.

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Venter Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 254

Makes me kind of think of Weird Al's "Truck Drivin' Song."

Which makes me think of the Bloodhound Gang's "A Lapdance Is So much Better When The Stripper Is Cryin'"

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say "shallow grave", this pretty little thing comes up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said her name was Bambi, and I said "Well that's a coincidence darlin', 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled. Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern. And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance, and then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true, so I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy.

Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Which sorta leads into Queen of the Rodeo by Alice in Chains, but that's getting to far off topic (and anyway, with lines like "Beat me, kick me, a faggot I ain't but a real man they say I'm not" and "Well cowboy if yer lookin' fer lovin', I ain't no queer go fuck a steer", who wouldn't think it'd be cool to be the Queen of the Rodeo?)*

*so glad the mods here can't give out custom titles, or else I might be in trouble right now

Tailgunner · Venter Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 209

Im gonna buy some of those and put them on my six four, bitch

What then???? huh???

:D

Don't mess with meh, punkass! I know where you live!

I'll make you MY bitch, BITCH!

>:}

Rankin · Needs to get out more Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 891

MagKnightX · Venter Joined: 04 Dec 2003 Posts: 286

I can imagine a meeting of such truckers...

"Breaker, breaker, this is Big Bad Hangin' Chad, I'm north on I-95 and there's a skunkfucker 400 yards in front of me."

"10-4, Big Bad Hangin' Chad, this is Voodoo Sammy, I see him too. On the count of 4, ramming speed."

"10-4, Voodoo Sammy. Breaker, breaker, dispatch, this is Big Bad Hangin' Chad, I got into a pretty bad accident, this other truck suddenly applied his brakes, and me and Voodoo Sammy's rig got pretty badly torn up."

Then again, since truckers also have a sort of prison-gayness if the lot lizards haven't shown up, maybe it's a sign like hanging a handkerchief out of your back pocket or wearing an earring in only your right ear.

Rankin · Needs to get out more Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 891

Josh Z. · Qualificator Joined: 13 Jun 2004 Posts: 39

21st Century Digital Boy · Rasophore Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 60

Makes me kind of think of Weird Al's "Truck Drivin' Song."

Which makes me think of the Bloodhound Gang's "A Lapdance Is So much Better When The Stripper Is Cryin'"

Which makes me think of this.