Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 365

A couple questions;

1) Do you know what a "Chick Tract" is?

2) Would you consider doing a parody of one?

Donotsue · Vociferator Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 666

A quick googling revealed it to be somekind of ... anti-jehova stuff...=)

http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/links.html

Info on making parodies...

* Make the tract push THE OPPOSITE message that Jack Chick was pushing.
* Make the tract push THE SAME message that Jack Chick was pushing, but make it more accurately
push that message in the way we all know Fundys REALLY push it! Make it push stereotypically extremist Fundamentalist dogma!

Oh like... killing yer sinful neighbor like bible demands?
Sounds difficult... I'd hafta read the Action Bible first!
or bother to read the original strips that this Jack built! =)

And the fundies aren't as fun to heckle as furs... they just don't get it.. or then they smile and tell yer going to hell, but they
can still save you... or they just turn the other cheek! =)

They shoudl be called Dulldamentalists!

ZenZhu · TOP POSTER! Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 1510

And the fundies aren't as fun to heckle as furs... they just don't get it.. or then they smile and tell yer going to hell, but they
can still save you... or they just turn the other cheek! =)

Furries will turn the other cheek... and then spread them so you can see their "winking tailhole."

Chick Tracts were little booklets often left in bus stations and hospital waiting rooms that typically had Christian themes that are slightly less hardcore than your average Mennonite dogma. Just about everything short of singin' and dancin' is a sin in those booklets.. and even that, if you're not singin' about Gawd an' Jeebus.

Paul · Vociferator Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 551

Chick Tracts were little booklets often left in bus stations and hospital waiting rooms that typically had Christian themes that are slightly less hardcore than your average Mennonite dogma.

No need for the past tense; Chick is still producing these. Some of them can be read online at Chick's official site. It hovers in that grey area between scary and funny.

Shmeckopolis · Vociferator Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 314

It's Go Go Damn Damn Action Bible Jr. is what it is...

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 365

Actually, what I had in mind was an over-the-top "Pro-Furry" tract done in the style of a Chick Tract.

Have it take place at a furcon, where some furry waste of chromosomes is preaching to all his fellow revelers how God MEANT us all to pretend we're animals and whack off to cartoon animal porn and engage in the most bizarre sexual practices ever conceived.

Then two "mundanes" who happen to be staying at the hotel stumble upon the happenings. At first they're pretty put off, but then said waste of chromosomes starts spouting furry rhetorical nonsense complete with passage numbers (SqueakyPony 60:9, Ebon Lupus 29:624, etc.). Sure enough, one of them becomes a full-fledged "convert", and the other runs away calling them perverts and freaks and somehow meets a coincidental demise, after which he goes to the gates of Heaven and a tail-and-ear-wearing Jeebus casts him into the firey lake of HYOOMAN HELL!!!

Then end the whole thing with a shot of the convert with tears (or some other fluid) streaking down his face thanking Lord Jeebus for showing him the way, and of course a modified version of the whole Chick Tract "sales spiel".

ZenZhu · TOP POSTER! Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 1510

Or just focus on how GAWD CAN MAKE JOO A DRAGGIN IFN'S JOO PRAY HARD ENUFF!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 335

Poor fools!(like effen'knee leotard)they must get right with "BOB"!!!!or face the wrath of the Yacatyzma!..or we all can sit back and watch them get their pink arese chewed up!(heh heh heh heh heh heh HEEEEHHHH)

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 335

that should read pink arses!...happy now grammar nazis?..essh,like any of you didn't make a typo! :lol:

ZenZhu · TOP POSTER! Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 1510

Yah, but most of us don't type with the help of an IV drip of bourbon. :D

MagKnightX · Vociferator Joined: 04 Dec 2003 Posts: 312

And most of us know how to use the edit button.

I'd make one, but I don't have a scanner nor a tablet.

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 365

:shock:

Jerry... Put the needle DOWN... go OUTSIDE... and get some FRESH AIR! :roll:

Anyhoo, Donny, whaddya think? That's just a rough idea, of course, and I'd be willing to brainstorm specifics.

Kadius · Vociferator Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 637

AND THE GREAT WOLF SPIRIT DESCENDED FROM THE HEVANS, AND SHI SAID UNTO ME:
Yiff, teh animals! For if thou yiffeth one, thoust becomest one in SPIREET. If it has legs, yiff it. If it lacks legs, yiff it still. Yiff thy neighbor's wife, animals and children. Thou shalt not speak of teh HYOOMANS, for they are insane and liars of the worst kind. ... My followers shall hold a holy celibration in my honor every two months. There shall be yiffing, fursuiting and works of divine art. Thou shalt kneal before your alter and proceed to buy half of furbid's work. Now, I tell you. The holy foxie-wolfie tail of frollicing shall be worn at all times during yifftoberfest, the holiest of months. Thou shalt use the dildo of prayer atleast twice a day. Uh... uhm... Oh yeah! Seek to be more and more like your inner hermtaur every day. And remember, I'm allways watching you. - Book of Furry.

Computolio · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 631

If you do a Chick Tract parody, please please make it involve BAPHOMET somehow.

mouse · Needs to get out more Joined: 13 Jul 2003 Posts: 1030

If you do a Chick Tract parody, please please make it involve BAPHOMET somehow.

I used to really like that Baphomet image, actually

I have a little catalog of demons here, (ISBN 0-399-51889-4), and Baphomet isnt even in it. It seems its pretty much just a templar thing, judging by a quick google search. Also I think that "dog star" as I remember it being called (goats head in the star) is something else completely.

These guys constantly mis-identify thier demons and whatnot
(at one time, I aspired to be an occult/demonology geek :) )

Kadius · Vociferator Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 637

(at one time, I aspired to be an occult/demonology geek :) )

Like, omg. Ur wiccan 2?! Can you see auras?? *more bullshit* I can fly... *circlejerk of lies and boasting*

Eheheheh, sorry had to comment about how 99% of occult arts is utter bullshit. :)

Nice site:
http://www.occultopedia.com/b/baphomet.htm

mouse · Needs to get out more Joined: 13 Jul 2003 Posts: 1030

Like, omg. Ur wiccan 2?! Can you see auras?? *more bullshit* I can fly... *circlejerk of lies and boasting*

Eheheheh, sorry had to comment about how 99% of occult arts is utter bullshit. :)

Nice site:
http://www.occultopedia.com/b/baphomet.htm

heh , no I agree, when I was into it I thought it was all bullshit. When I said occult/demonology geek I meant .. literally :) just raw data

I just enjoyed reading about it, mainly

Kadius · Vociferator Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 637

I just enjoyed reading about it, mainly

I agree, it can be rather interesting at times. I still read about it now and then. Heh, everyone needs a hobby. :?

ZenZhu · TOP POSTER! Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 1510

I used to know a few Wiccans. It's interesting to see the difference between the "modern" Wiccans and the actual ones. By that I mean the actual Wiccans are the folks that know it was developed around the 1950s and, really, just kind of practice it in a quiet way... you wouldn't really know unless you asked. Then there are the "modern" ones by which I mean the gothy kids that dress all in black and insist that Wicca predates Christianity and... well.... bascially get all of their ideas on it from watching The Craft over and over and over.

Donotsue · Vociferator Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 666

Those comics make me a sad panda...
I didn't want to believe there are people that insane...

Suicide bombers are saner than the ones who spread the Lord's word with comics that awful...

I can't touch this... =P

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 365

Dude, do you realize what you're PASSING UP, here?

A chance to royally diss furries AND fundies in ONE FELL SWOOP!

Think about the service you'll be performing not just for mankind, but for the SANE and RATIONAL denomination of mankind!

Psy Fox · Qualificator Joined: 29 Nov 2004 Posts: 14

Dude, do you realize what you're PASSING UP, here?

A chance to royally diss furries AND fundies in ONE FELL SWOOP!

Think about the service you'll be performing not just for mankind, but for the SANE and RATIONAL denomination of mankind!

Yhea but Chick goes after the parodies. The one X-Entertainment.com did got pulled because of his lawyers yet still lives on geocities here with a few of X-Es reviews of Chicks comics here

Shmeckopolis · Vociferator Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 314

Those fuckers went after X-Entertainment?!

MAN THE TURRETS!

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 522

MAN THE TURRETS!

INTENSIFY FORWARD FIRE POWER!