Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

Although I'm a regular reader of SomethingAwful (Their ALsOD are the highlight of my day) I'm painfully ignorant of the furry thing. Maybe that's because I don't actually VISIT the Awful Links, just read the commentary. But I notice this Schwartz guy's name popping up a lot, and all I know of him is that he created Sabrina, which I read briefly and was mildly creeped out by the skunk with its ass constnatly showing.

So what makes this guy so sad, exactly?

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

You read all about CYD's favorite little poster boy that is Eric TDK Schwartz here and here, but I'll try to sum it up as best as I can even if I may not be the most qualified.

Eric Schwartz clings onto the Amiga computer like a leech on a dying carcass despite the fact that no one uses the Amiga anymore.

Eric Schwartz draws a comic strip about a skunk girl who clings onto the Amiga computer like a leech on a dying carcass despite the fact that no one uses the Amiga anymore and tosses in a whole bunch of sex jokes.

Eric Schwartz draws adult furry art primarily featuring tentacles defiling characters done in the style of WB cartoon characters with pronounced genetelia.

Eric Schwartz to this day draws adult art of copyrighted characters being violated the same manner only under his "secret" alias "TDK".

Eric Schwartz denies up and down to be the same person as TDK despite that evidence and drawing style confirm that they are the same person.

Despite drawing other people's copyrighted characters in adult situations, Eric Schwartz posts a FAQ listing details of what he does not want others protraying his own characters doing. (Do as I say, not as I do?)

Blah, blah, blah...

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Needs to get out more Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 1006

You forgot to mention that he recently broke down and -along with Max Blackrabbit- started up his own pay furporn site:

http://www.furafterdark.com/

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

Also, his females have breasts that would give anyone a backache.

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Needs to get out more Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 1006

Also, his females have breasts that would give anyone a backache.

They could give me a backache any day :P I wouldn't mind at all :wink:

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Also, his females have breasts that would give anyone a backache.

We were describing what puts him head and shoulders over every other furry, not just listing general things that could apply to all 80 other members of the fandumb.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

What can I say? I'm no Mike Kaluta...But Eric sure as hell ain't no Vaughn Bode or Walt Kelly...Hell..he's no Walter Keane for that matter..aw,Hell, let's be honest ,He's an evil bastard,and he needs to die PAINFULLY and SLOWLY..and judging by his girth and junk food consumption ,that may happen sooner than you think!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

.....Yes,I know what I just said was spiteful and unkind,but ponder the sheer amount in numbers of folks that Eric screwed over these past years...would you blame me?

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

Eric screwed over these past years

Given his ample girth, I don't think that it is technically possible for him to screw over, or indeed, under folks at this stage, Jerry.

...I mean, the sheer mechanics of it... boggle the mind, and upset the stomach.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

I mean with his sick ethos not his...oh bloody Hell...forget it!...come to think of it,,,how would he....OH NO! I AIN'T GOIN' THERE!...Euuuuuuuhhh!ICK! :shock: ...I think I need a bromo...

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

How has he screwed people over?

Details, we need details ;). Don't put on rose tinted glasses, let's hear it all.

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Needs to get out more Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 1006

Given his ample girth, I don't think that it is technically possible for him to screw over, or indeed, under folks at this stage, Jerry.

...I mean, the sheer mechanics of it... boggle the mind, and upset the stomach.

Well, I had to find the perfect time to link to this...

The last image at the bottom rivals Goatse in it's soggy horror.

EDIT: fixed link (accidentally typed in

subversive · Prattler Joined: 30 Dec 2004 Posts: 183

The last image at the bottom rivals Goatse in it's soggy horror.

Ugh.. I got a horrible eye infection once from a pool at a long-term residence inn in Las Vegas. Now I think I know why. :(

5thehardway · Prattler Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 161

Well, I had to find the perfect time to link to this...

Oh, God. :( Now I remember why I don't swim in public places anymore.

Kadius · Needs to get out more Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 911

The last image at the bottom rivals Goatse in it's soggy horror.

Sir, I have seen goatse far more than I'd care to admit. And I can safely tell you it surpasses goatse in every way. I can eat my lunch and see goatse and not even blink. But that's just... oh god.

The trinity is now a quartet. (Goatse, Harlequin fetuses, Tubgirl)

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

The trinity is now a quartet. (Goatse, Harlequin fetuses, Tubgirl)

I just typed that into google image search and now I wish I haven't.

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

But Erich is so much fun! =)

http://www.heliograph-designs.co.uk/users/nosocs/display.php?ident=861&screen=861

Duck Stab · Qualificator Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 36

http://www.heliograph-designs.co.uk/users/nosocs/display.php?ident=540&screen=540

did this one ages ago.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

You know... to be fair to Mr. Schwartz, he would earn a little bit of my respect if he dropped the whole TDK facade. If he came out and publicly said, "Yes, I Eric Schwartz am the one who drew that picture of Minerva Mink getting ravaged by a tentacle hell beast or Fifi Le Fume giving Santa Claus head or Krystal being raped by Krazoa spirits" then perhaps I would have a little bit more respect for the man...

...but we all know darn well he's not going to do that, so back to mocking! :D

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

So I've been reading the NOSOCS archive now and i've noticed in a few strips Eric needs to know what hand somebody is using for whatever purpose. What's the story behind that? Or is it just some thing somebody thought of?

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

:oops: Darn! you guys have said all the dead on stuff about Eric,And I can't add one thing you guys hadn't said before! :D Congrats!!!!peace out(jer)

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

OWNAGE!

That was great, Monica. Thanks for making my day. :D

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

Buhahaa! ..Briliant... Pressure points.. =D

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

OWNAGE!

That was great, Monica. Thanks for making my day. :D

LOL I do what I can. =) Thanks!!!

GoManVanGogh · Vociferator Joined: 18 Nov 2003 Posts: 659

Ewwww, you TOUCHED him!

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

If ya cut off one head.. two new will grow... =)
Always remember to droo large Sabrina-style glasses!

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

If ya cut off one head.. two new will grow... =)

Ooooo! You're right! Like the Hydra. Well, we'll just take care of that...

Shmeckopolis · Vociferator Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 327

Ah, gore humor. Gormor, if you will. Never gets old.

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

Ah, gore humor. Gormor, if you will. Never gets old.

Sha-zam!

PYLE!

Sha-zam!

PYLE!

Sha-zam!

PYLE!

Sha-zam!

PYLE!

Lisa needs braces.

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 700

Lisa needs braces.

DENTAL PLAN

edit:

RENTAL HAM

Computolio · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 865

Oh yeah, I rewrote the old Schwartz article, in case anyone cares.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

I read that yesterday. It was gert. :(

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Oh yeah, I rewrote the old Schwartz article, in case anyone cares.

That sums it up very nicely.

Schwartz' "career" seems stereotypical of quite a few furry artists: Starting out with high hopes of making it in the real world with anthropomorphic art, getting caught up in the grottier aspects of the fandumb, losing possibilities of making it in the real world, resigning self to produce furry wank material for remainder of life. Maybe we could call it the Schwartz Syndrome.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

I like that. Maybe they'll put it in the next release of the DSM.

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

What actually angers me about this is how the guy had real opportunities in life. I mean, he had the talent, the had a computer back then and must have had internet access in the early days of the modern internet. He worked for Gateway and didn't he also work for Macromedia at some point? I mean, the guy worked on a freakin game for crying out loud.

By the sounds of it, he had everything going for him. If he had been someone that never had a chance education or career wise for reasons he had no control over then that would be one thing. But to have amazing opportunities and at such a young age (I believe he turns 33 this year; please correct me if I'm wrong. So if he was 22 in 1994, he could have only been in his late teens in the late 80's). If he had a computer with access to what the net was back then and had those talents, he would have had the opportunity to cash in the modern internet and computer era when it was in its infancy.

Instead, he goes the route he went. I just don't understand it.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

You bring up a great question. My only guess is that, while he may indeed be intelligent/talented, he obviously has a very huge ego, an ego that needs constant maintenance. To be a real and true artists, you have to deal with a certain degree of criticism, a lot of it bad. You have to take that criticism and run with it, use it, absorb it along the path of growth in your work. With him, perhaps his ego got in the way. Rather than take the hard trek of fame, he chose the fast track of infamy. He could spend 10 years muddling in the minor leagues before hitting the big time, or he could appeal to his audience's and his own most prurient and shocking interests. Here were all these...ahem, like-minded fans who cheered on the porn aspects of Sabrina, along with his TDK crap. It's instant gratification. "Uh huh...huh...splooge." He fed off of it, and it took over. All he wanted was the dubiously positive feedback, and couldn't stand to take a chance at failure in the mainstream.

So, instead of 10 years working on some crap X-title for Marvel, only to emerge with his own stories and success later on, he chose the easier route, and now...well, here he is. Pretty much where he started; feeding off the same audience, and turning off everyone else.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Most of the criticism against Schwartz is - apart from the TDK thing - about the seeming waste of opportunity. But at the end of the day, aren't we complaining because of the perceived loss of good animated films, comics, games, whatever, we think he might have made or contributed to?

The thing is, Schwartz tried games and animated films, and maybe it quite simply wasn't him - and he then decided to do something else. Heck, maybe he's happy being where he is now. Or maybe he isn't, but any realistic alternative - like, say, working as a games designer - just doesn't appeal to him.

While I'm as perplexed as the next guy over what seems to be Schwartz wasting good opportunities, to him it could very well be the best possible solution.

I knew a girl once who was a terrific artist. She was then about 18, and she could draw anything she pleased in an already highly developed, very charming and deeply personal art style. She could have gone places. But she just stopped drawing and instead went for taking a university degree in archeology. I think that was a big loss, but maybe the world of archeology gained something good from her.

It's very difficult to make objective judgments on whether other people truly wasted opportunities.

Maybe Schwartz doesn't want his "career" to be any other way.

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

I knew a girl once who was a terrific artist. She was then about 18, and she could draw anything she pleased in an already highly developed, very charming and deeply personal art style. She could have gone places. But she just stopped drawing and instead went for taking a university degree in archeology. I think that was a big loss, but maybe the world of archeology gained something good from her.

Some have asked me, repeatedly why I suddenly gave up drawing. Not only furries, I rarely draw anything, at least anything with effort nowadays. Art isn't very social, no matter how good you are you are alone with your drawings. In music and band playing you have the other members being the voice of reason, watching your back and helping you out in your pursuit for complete kickass metal. I've always loved music, especially the kind of music that hits you like a 60 pound sledgehammer. Why I suddenly started to do that was though the perception (I've been playing the bass for almost a decade now) that, fuck yeah, I'm getting good at this. Btw, the kickass demo is just about done, just some vocal recording, final mixing and mastering left. I'll post some linkage to the songs.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

I knew a girl once who was a terrific artist. She was then about 18, and she could draw anything she pleased in an already highly developed, very charming and deeply personal art style. She could have gone places. But she just stopped drawing and instead went for taking a university degree in archeology. I think that was a big loss, but maybe the world of archeology gained something good from her.

By that token, are you saying that the world of adult furry art gained something good by Schwartz deciding against persuing a respectable carreer in animation or game creation?

True, Eric did do some of the first widely distributed adult anthro art under various aliases including but not limited to TDK and Wakko Warner ("mnrvasex.jpg", the first ever furry porn my virgin eyes did lay upon, back when I was freshman in high school). But speaking from a purely artistic point of view, I sincerely doubt Eric's art has made an impact on adult furry art appart from creating a lot porn of copyrighted characters.

Eric did not invent tentacle rape or adult art of copyrighted characters (that can be found in abundance in Japan). Nor did Eric invent the style he draws in (it's time for etchi-maniacs, and we're perverted to the max), or good quality content on a computer when most folks were still using DOS.

Maybe Eric is happy with what he's doing now ... pretending that he isn't TDK, still cranking out spooge, writing a comic strip about ~~himself~~ a skunk girl and the sexual tension between her and another skunk created by an artist much better than Eric (my he has a nasty habbit of lusting after characters he doesn't own), living in his own little world where the Amiga is still the best thing in computers since the Xerox PARC Alto, and rolling down hills on his way to the local 7-Eleven.

Ignorance is bliss as they say.

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

For me a large part of the so called pissed away opportunities type of aggrivation is, I never had a lot of opportunities in life (educational or job wise). Seeing someone that had his level of opportunities waste them like this just seems that much more aggrivating to me.

It's simular to how I get upset with people that are getting to do things I can only dream of, yet, all they do is complain about how hard they think their life is.

One point I do agree with however is, if he is happy with where he is, then I suppose that we should accept that. I mean, do we know more then just the basic hard facts about where he worked and what he produced? How's the saying go, about never judging someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I suppose it is easy for us to ask how he could 'piss away' what could have been what we see as an amazing life.

Fact is, we may never know the full story of why he went that route. All we can do is make conjecture based on the little evidence and information we have.

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

Fact is, we may never know the full story of why he went that route. All we can do is make conjecture based on the little evidence and information we have.

...and that's why it's called speculation.

RailFoxen · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jan 2005 Posts: 625

In short, the man is a furry god. Does it need to be said here that Sabrina and Zig Zag are the neatest things seen by the fandom since the dawn of creation? But after reading the article, ask... does he deserve the worship?

I'm sure he loves it, Schwartz seems to thrive on attention. Too bad his comic's shit and his art rarely goes anywhere. If the legions of screaming fans realized he wasn't the most awesome thing ever to grow a beard, where would he be? Poor, funny looking, and unskilled? Sure, he can draw, but he has a portfolio that makes eyes bleed in a bad way. And who the hell's looking for someone with years of Amiga experience? He's all lined up for a tech support job or work at a Best Buy service counter with a resume like this, he is. And that, friends, is wasted opportunity.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

I knew a girl once who was a terrific artist. She was then about 18, and she could draw anything she pleased in an already highly developed, very charming and deeply personal art style. She could have gone places. But she just stopped drawing and instead went for taking a university degree in archeology. I think that was a big loss, but maybe the world of archeology gained something good from her.

By that token, are you saying that the world of adult furry art gained something good by Schwartz deciding against persuing a respectable carreer in animation or game creation?

Er, no, that wasn't what I was saying. At least, I wasn't trying to. But it could be argued that Schwartz can draw pretty well, which is more than can be said for most porn-oriented furry artists, so if nothing else some furry wankers got more pretty well drawn wank material than if Schwartz had chosen another path. Whatever that's worth.

What I'm saying is... our main complaint is based on the assumption that Schwartz could have done something truly constructive with his art... but it's just as likely he couldn't. While Schwartz is a fairly good draughtsman, he's not that good. And perhaps more importantly, he's never at any point in his "career" been very productive. In the final analysis, I honestly don't think he had it in him to make good of his opportunities and break into, say, "real" animation or syndicated newspaper strips.

But of course, we'll never know.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Schwartz copied his most lucrative characters straight from warner brothers, though. He has not style of his own, but has mangled Chuck Jones's to suit his pornography. I don't see whewre the talent is that he's wasting.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Schwartz copied his most lucrative characters straight from warner brothers, though. He has not style of his own, but has mangled Chuck Jones's to suit his pornography. I don't see whewre the talent is that he's wasting.

He has the ability to draw, which makes him capable of developing a unique style of his own if only he experimented. Yet, the problem here is his obsession with the WB style...sexually. This obsession makes the stylization impossible to deviate from.

Frankly I don't understand how he's gotten away with what he's doing, and why he's become an icon.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

He has the ability to draw, which makes him capable of developing a unique style of his own if only he experimented. Yet, the problem here is his obsession with the WB style...sexually. This obsession makes the stylization impossible to deviate from.

Frankly I don't understand how he's gotten away with what he's doing, and why he's become an icon.

You pretty much explained it yourself. WB characters, especially the Tiny Toons, are popular among furries. Schwartz uses a similar style of drawing and character design (and when in TDK mode he actually draws some of the Tiny Toons), adds sex, and bingo! Cute cartoon animals + porn = instant furry success.

As for Schwartz getting away with the similarities between his drawing style and that of WB's animators, well, you can't copyright a style, so no problem there, and his core audience would see it as a bonus rather than a detriment.

Schwartz opted to be a big fish in a small pond rather than the other way 'round, and it worked.

Smatterchew · Qualificator Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Posts: 22

If he never let Zig-Zag-Zog into Sabrina's world, I'd still follow his online comic. It was quirky and kind of cute, if slightly twisted. This is not teh rant agains Max's character, just that her presence in Sabrina Online made the good ship tank like with a big ol' hole not intended for teh love torpedo.

The man is talented, and copying/mimicking a style is very marketable in the animation biz... so much so that it's required for the job. And I'm near positive he could change gears if he wanted to, but does he want to? That I'm not so sure of.

*Sigh* I do miss pre Zig Sab.

PetteriB · Qualificator Joined: 08 Oct 2003 Posts: 12

I once had too much time in my hands and decided to do some comparisons between TDK's and Eric Schwartz's drawing styles. The results can be found here (WARNING: May contain some brokin engrish)

Shmeckopolis · Vociferator Joined: 31 Mar 2004 Posts: 327

I swear, Schwartz has got to have some huge balls. To vehemently deny being TDK even after it's even been shown they use the same computer, draw the same way, you name it, takes some massive cajones. Not alot of brains, granted, but huge balls.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

I'm sure he thinks he's being infinitely clever by...ahem...pulling the wool over our eyes with the whole TDK thing. And I agree, I've read a lot of the Sabrina stuff since coming here, and he had a very neat little comic up until he randomely decides to throw a PORN STAR into it. It smacks of a fan fiction of his own work. It didn't really fit in the context or feel of the comic, but with fanboy zeal he shoehorned sex and smarminess into what seemed to once have been a cute, geeky, quirky comic.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

Sod it!,Let's just sacrifice the great fat plonk to C'thulhu and be done with it!

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Sod it!,Let's just sacrifice the great fat plonk to C'thulhu and be done with it!

Oh Jesus H. Christ, don't tell me you're a Lovecraft Fanfuck, Jer.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

You Bet your shoggoth sucking ass I am! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

Hi. This is my first post here. Long time reader and long time lurker.

I felt compelled to finally write here because Schwartz was my introduction to furry fandom. However, I was slowly introduced to furry fandom in much the same way Schwartz was. What started off as an interest in innocent, yet brilliantly animated, cartoons slowly led to purversion (furversion?).

Cast your mind back to the mid-to-late 80s. I once attended a computer show when I was nine or ten years or so. My Dad was involved in the computer business so I got free entry. One of the things I remember seeing was Schwartz's Anti-Lemming Demo. Lemmings was a bloody popular new game at the time and it was fun to see someone mocking it. What struck me the most was how well the demo was animated. I loved animation at the time, and still do. But I didn't know it was Schwartz's work until much later in my life.

In later years, I also went to other computer shows that featured, amidst stalls offering free games of The Secret of Monkey Island, more Schwartz animations. I remember seeing his Gulf War demo. I look back on it now, as a staunch anti-war activist, and think, "Hmm, yeah it's openly jingoistic, but it hooks on a lot of good satire. And once again, well animated."

At this time, I didn't even know what a furry was. And I hadn't seen any of Eric's more famous characters.

I reached my teens. Being a teenaged male meant two things: 1) puberty attacks, and 2) you develop a strong interest in mechanical and electronic gizmos, like computers. Before the days of the internet, we got our computing news through these things called 'magazines'. I was browsing through these so-called 'magazines' at a local news stand when a particular one whapped me in the face with a big pair of boobs. I'm talking about this on the cover of an Amiga magazine. I didn't own an Amiga, but that magazine cover made wish to hell I did. Like I said, teenager... puberty... boobs. All I could do was think, "Boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs." Thing was, it was tasteful and comical. And I recognised the style from those animations at the computer show.

Still, I had no idea what a furry was at this point, nor who the artist was. But I did know what boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs were. And that's all that matters when you're a teenage male.

I later found out who this artist was via another magazine called Public Domain, which specialised in free/shareware software for the Amiga, Atari, and PC. The magazine reviewed At The Beach and gave it a 9/10. However, this also meant more screenshots of Clarisse. Once again, boobs-boobs-boobs-. Sure, she was a cat, but I reckoned I coulda looked past that.

Meanwhile, also in the shareware world, Commander Keen was the game of the moment. PC were beginning to leave Amigas and Ataris choking in a trail of dust in terms of gaming quality. A sign of things to come. It was so obvious that most people were going to buy a PC in the future. Eric didn't pick up on it and stubbornly stuck to his Amiga. It reminds me of that Black Knight from Monty Python where his arms and legs are hacked off and he's fighting a losing battle but he's still saying, "Come on! Fight me you bastard!". It's admirable in a pathetic sort of way.

But still, I respected Schwartz's work at the time.

Then came the internet. I was about 14 or 15 when we got it at our house (the year was 1995). After a couple of months of mindless searches for nothing very exciting, I decided to look up Schwartz's name. Partially because I liked cartoons and partially cause of boobs-boobs-boobs-. Hey, Tex Avery's Red Hot Riding Hood kept the troops warm throughout the war. Nothing wrong with a bit of cartoon boobage, right?

Wrong. Here's where our story begins to fall, crash and burn, like one of Eric's Aerotoons with broken jet engines.

I found Mark Rigby-Jones' site unoffical Schwartz site hosting nearly all of Eric's animations (which I couldn't run at the time because I owned a PC and the PC animation software wasn't written yet) and several of Schwartz's pictures. The pics I found were a little more explicit than the ones I saw of Clarisse in the magazines, but way less explicit than Eric's current stuff. When I say they were explict though, I'm talking about seeing bare boobs. Okay, they were covered in fur and attached to squirrels and vixens, but they were still freakin' boobs! Teenager! Boobs! Puberty! Dangerous mix...

Plus, I liked his original design of Sabrina the best. I especially like the one shy arm behind her back and innocent look in her eye. Much better than the updated one, I thought. If Eric knew anything back then, it was how to give a character a certain non-verbal savoir-faire. In Sabrina's case, I thought there was something very attractive about a girl being coy. Go figure.

I even tried to imitate his style of drawing. Ironic, isn't it? I based my drawings on a style that was already based on Warner Brothers. Once again, go figure.

I tried to find a few more of his pictures and maybe some info on Schwartz himself. This is where I find out what 'furry' is. The furry fandom latched onto Schwartz's stuff. God bless hyperlinks! But where as I was interested in boobs, I think most of the fandom were more interested in having sex with squirrels, cats, skunks and foxes. Sadly, I succumbed to the fandom for a few years. Never went to any Cons, thank Christ, but spent a lot of time on FurryMuck. Met a lot of weirdos. But I found a few more artists I liked. Some drew innocent and highly comical stuff, which I liked. Some drew stuff with boobs, which I liked even more. But some drew some very horrible, disgusting stuff... which I didn't like. Stuff no one under 18 should see. If I could give a message to the kids of today, it would be to wait until you're 18 till you find out the meaning of the word 'furry' on the internet. And stay in school.

Cut to Schwartz. He finally managed to log onto the internet with his steam-powered Amiga while everyone had been doing so with their PCs for about a year or two already. He began Sabrina Online a little later. I dug the fact he was starting Sabrina Online -- like I said, she was my favourite character of his. But like I also said, her character changed from his original design. But the comic itself started out as a bit of pro-Amiga... well... propoganda. But it was admirable since the Amiga was an underdog. Probably an Old-Yeller-about-to-get-shot-style underdog, but an underdog nonetheless. I remember the comic, though, was featured in a few Amiga magazines, which meant there was still some interest in his work. No, I doubt Amiga magazines today will touch his work because a) the sexual themes can get a little explicit, b) Eric Schwartz has his "spooge" side that distracts many people, and c) there aren't any Amiga magazines left.

Then something happened. I'm not too sure if there's a word for it. Is there a word that means 'pandering to the fans'? Not 'selling-out', cause that implies you make a lot of money. It's something worse than that. Probably a more geekier form of selling-out that earns you less money. Anyhoo, that's what Eric did. Or maybe it was because I became an adult in 1998 and could recognise when someone was going downhill.

Most of this stuff you already know. It's been written about very extensively on CYD.

First of all, he added Zig to his Sabrina cartoon. Added a lesbian subplot. Appeal to the furry fans. Especially since Zig already had a huge following. And even Eric said he had a thing for Zig (as shown in a lot of his artwork), which was a little sad for a man in his thirties to admit. But what was once a fairly amusing comic that could have been developed into something more satirical turned into the Great Furry Fan Buttlick of 1999. It was a sad way to enter into the new millenium.

Next, the TDK thing. Yeah, everyone knows about this. I remember seeing that pic of Minerva Mink being defiled by a tentacle monster and not thinking, "boobs-boobs-boobs", but rather, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!" It's like Schwartz went from drawing Sports Illustrated swimsuit models to turning into a batshit insane Larry Flynt putting pictures of women stuffed into meat-slicers on the cover of his magazine.

And finally, his trips to the Furry Cons and sales of spooge portfolios that once again pandered to the fans. Then I realised, "Shit, the man pretty much chose to be a hack."

At that point, I gave up on Schwartz. I lost all respect for him. Not because the stuff he draws today redefines the word 'perverted', but because he chose a path that... well, wasn't even a medicore path. He aspired to something sub-mediocre. He now runs a furry porn site for christsakes.

Plus, I got away from all the furry stuff. Too many damn perverts. It'd get to the point where someone on FurryMuck pretending to be a monkey would grab my crotch and I'd have to say, "Take your stinkin' paws off me you dirty ape!!"

Okay, that didn't really happen, but you get the idea.

Think about the real animation greats of today. Did John Lasseter give up on feature animation and started making 3D lamp porn? No. Did Hayao Miyazaki forget his charming kids films and start making hentai? No. Did Matt Groening say, "Screw The Simpsons! I'm going to go to conventions and draw Blinky getting fucked up the ass!"? No.

Seth MacFarlane. Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Chris Wedge. Don Hertzfeldt. Mike Judge. Nick Park. All these guys at least aimed for something great and have achieved a fair amount of success, like many others in the animation industry. They worked hard and earnt what they got, and all of which amounts to a lasting legacy. Schwartz could have been a contenda. He could have gone way beyond his Amiga animations. But he chose not too. He chose to stick with the furry fans. They dragged him down. They fed his ego, and he fed their lust for animal porn. And this will be Schwartz's legacy. I just hope I never have a legacy like that.

My guess is Schwartz was sucked into the fandom, much like I was. I escaped. Schwartz didn't. He made his choice. Remember that tentacle beast raping Minerva? That's not Minerva. That's Schwartz. The tentacle beast is the furry fandom. And it's gotten to the point where he enjoys it. That pic, although in violation of COPYRITE and LAWSUIET, pretty much sums up Schwartz's life.

Is there still hope for him to make something respectable of himself? Only he can make that decision, but I doubt he's ever going to change.

Anyway, that's long enough for my first post here. Moral of the story: We all have the chance to escape from the tentacle alien but some are just stuck there forever cause they like it. Or something to that effect. I don't know. Blah blah blah. I just hope you enjoyed my first post.

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Needs to get out more Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 1006

Still, I had no idea what a furry was at this point, nor who the artist was. But I did know what boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs-boobs were. And that's all that matters when you're a teenage male.

In the furry fandom everyone is a newly-pubescent teenage male for life.

Also, I think we may have a candidate for the new Zen Zhu in Goofy here.

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

In the furry fandom everyone is a newly-pubescent teenage male for life.

That's what scares me. It's like Michael Jackson syndrome. You know, where a 30 year-old man still believes he's a 13 year-old boy. Jackson calls it a beautiful thing. I call it freakin' creepy.

By the way, ever notice how in Disney's Peter Pan the kids dressed in fursuits are called The Lost Boys? I'm starting to think old Walt could see through time.

RailFoxen · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jan 2005 Posts: 625

By the way, ever notice how in Disney's Peter Pan the kids dressed in fursuits are called The Lost Boys? I'm starting to think old Walt could see through time.

Ho-lee crap, that's the most awesome thing I've heard today.

Well. Consider yourself lucky. My first introduction to Schwartz was through TDK - on the old JAB Archives. And he was only my second exposure to furry of all time (the first being Entinger, who had some work on a fairly good hentai site back in the day.) Ah, my wasted youth, and MSIE 2.1 on an AMD 486, searching Yahoo! for 'anime porn'. It all looked so puritanical compared to what furry held on public servers. RUINED THE FUZZY EXPERIENCE FROM THAT DAY FORTH.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Dear Goofy,

I live in a place called Never Never Land. Come away with me and we can dress up as animals, draw pictures, have all kinds of "fun", and never ever have to grow old.

Signed,

Mark Merlino

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

I'm not falling for that trick again, Mark!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

A quick note to the Angry Puritan,Remember amigo,this thread is about Eric,o.k.?so I like "bad" lit.,At least I ain't an Ayn Rand butt monkey.so be dissapointed in my tastes in lit. if you must,lets just keep focused on the finkery of Herr Schwartz and the rest of the Phurri jugend.'That cool with you buddy?(Jer)

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

Something I've realised.

In Pinnochio, wasen't one of the guys trying to intice kids to go to Pleasure Island a fox? You know, where they say you can play all day, no responsibilities.

Considering how often furries use foxes as a way to intice people and get them to embrace animals and that way of life....

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

A quick note to the Angry Puritan,Remember amigo,this thread is about Eric,o.k.?so I like "bad" lit.,At least I ain't an Ayn Rand butt monkey.so be dissapointed in my tastes in lit. if you must,lets just keep focused on the finkery of Herr Schwartz and the rest of the Phurri jugend.'That cool with you buddy?(Jer)

What have I said since your last post? I made one sentence that was off topic, technically Stoneth's Merlino one liner was on par with it.

Anyway, Schwartz is TDK, and will never make anything out of his life. Blah blah blah, Sabrina is Minerva. Blah blah Eric is bad.

Happy?

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Is there an archive of his work online? I'd like to see it...for research purposes only :lol:

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Is there an archive of his work online? I'd like to see it...for research purposes only :lol:

Research purposes, eh? Is that what you youngsters are calling? Why in my day we just said "furious masturbation" but alright.

Unofficial EWS Archive

EWS's VCL Archive

and finally...

Stuff as TDK

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

I've learned my lesson :shock:

Glympse · Rasophore Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 61

I've learned my lesson :shock:

..about chafing?

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

..about chafing?

About the pain of innocence lost :wink:

Smatterchew · Qualificator Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Posts: 22

Ooh, lookit this nugget of pure that I found on Mr. Schwartz's unofficial site:

http://rigby-jones.net/es/art/art/Audition.jpg

What's most surprising is that the other pictures on the page are pretty tame... which greatly increases its WTF value.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Ooh, lookit this nugget of pure that I found on Mr. Schwartz's unofficial site:

http://rigby-jones.net/es/art/art/Audition.jpg

What's most surprising is that the other pictures on the page are pretty tame... which greatly increases its WTF value.

I swear, Eric Schwartz does more porn of ZigZag than Max BlackRabbit does himself, and not only does that seem rather pathetic but it also makes me a sad ~~panda~~ wolf.

Mitch · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 658

A quick note to the Angry Puritan,Remember amigo,this thread is about Eric,o.k.?so I like "bad" lit.,At least I ain't an Ayn Rand butt monkey.so be dissapointed in my tastes in lit. if you must,lets just keep focused on the finkery of Herr Schwartz and the rest of the Phurri jugend.'That cool with you buddy?(Jer)

What have I said since your last post? I made one sentence that was off topic, technically Stoneth's Merlino one liner was on par with it.

Anyway, Schwartz is TDK, and will never make anything out of his life. Blah blah blah, Sabrina is Minerva. Blah blah Eric is bad.

Happy?

Nonsense! Eric is not TDK! Cigarskunk said so, so it must be true!

The fact of the matter is that I've got original artwork by both of those two which they did for me at conventions in person - not internet or mail order requests.

So pretend to be superior in your knowledge and speculate all you want - I already know the truth.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Excellent! :lol:

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

I assure you. That man, Eric Schwartz, is not the same as TDK.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

I don't get the point of his denial. He draws smut on his own websites, and has put his name on a commercial porn site.

Cigarskunk's evidence doesn't work. I'm not seeing any difference between the two pieces other than more work went into the first. Besides, a good illustrator can change his stylization.

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

But apparently Cigarskunk has seen both Eric and TDK in person. Of course, nobody else has seen TDK at a convention, because otherwise we'd probably have pictures.

Banrai · Vociferator Joined: 13 Jan 2005 Posts: 560

But apparently Cigarskunk has seen both Eric and TDK in person. Of course, nobody else has seen TDK at a convention, because otherwise we'd probably have pictures.

...Am I the only one that smells some MPD going on?

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/s/src/1111204588303.jpg

Okay, now I've gone from not respecting Schwartz to fucking detesting the guy.

Somehow, Schwartz has managed to de-awesome-ify the Turtles into some lame porno monstrosity...

This is my problem with the whole furry fandumb. They manage to turn a potentially interesting idea (combining animals with human characteristics) into something lame.

It's like Schwartz's Sabrina Online. It had the potential for some great satire, now it's just lame and shitty.

Instead of being smart, funny or drawing furries kicking ass, the fandumb just creates all these very lame pictures.

Schwartz could have shown the Turtles kicking ass in their full glory, but all he's done is reduced it to something stupid.

He's wasn't even a has-been. He's a never-was.

Mitch · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 658

This is my problem with the whole furry fandumb. They manage to turn a potentially interesting idea (combining animals with human characteristics) into something lame.

That's it in a nutshell, yep.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

April must have an additional SPH to accommodate Michaelangelo...nevermind :lol:

Now that I look further than I should have, that riddle is solved.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

The fact of the matter is that I've got original artwork by both of those two which they did for me at conventions in person - not internet or mail order requests.

So pretend to be superior in your knowledge and speculate all you want - I already know the truth.

Notice that he never says that they are two different people. It's like saying "I've gotten artwork from Karabiner and Den".

Or maybe Eric Schwartz turns into TDK and back much like how Zelda turns into Sheik and back in The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.

Then again, I think I'll go with what Fox News tells me:

Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the artist "TDK" who continues to draw some of the most spooge-filled art ever devised, is indeed not the same person as Eric W. Schwartz.

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

Or maybe Eric Schwartz turns into TDK and back much like how Zelda turns into Sheik and back in The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time.

Maybe he's wereperv?

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Nonsense! Eric is not TDK! Cigarskunk said so, so it must be true!

The fact of the matter is that I've got original artwork by both of those two which they did for me at conventions in person - not internet or mail order requests.

Oh dear lord... I've met that 'cigarskunk' at AC... Ew.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y5/AngryPuritan/cigarskunk.jpg

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Oh dear lord... I've met that 'cigarskunk' at AC... Ew.

Do tell! :wink:

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

There's not terribly much to tell. I was following around a group of the ultra-rare female variety of furry, and they invited me to view a movie in his room. The picture above is him fiddling with the VCR.

In his defense, the movie was incredible.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

The fact of the matter is that I've got original artwork by both of those two which they did for me at conventions in person - not internet or mail order requests.

So pretend to be superior in your knowledge and speculate all you want - I already know the truth.

Notice that he never says that they are two different people. It's like saying "I've gotten artwork from Karabiner and Den".

Misleading without actually telling a lie. Clever Cigarskunk.

In his defense, the movie was incredible.

Tell us more!

... and what the hell is going on in your sig?

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

Your sig's from i-mockery.com, isn't it? ;<

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Yes, it is, although I copied it onto my photobucket so I could spare their bandwidth.

Anyway, the movie was Shaulin Soccer, and apart from one fire-based puma it was furry devoid. Excellent comedy movie, but requires no deep thought.

doubtingwolf · Coadjutor Joined: 12 Mar 2005 Posts: 84

I was following around a group of the ultra-rare female variety of furry...

Foul! They don't make 'em in that gender!

In his defense, the movie was incredible.

No, that's just the drugs talking. Who knows what horrors were visited upon your body during the period of time in which you were blacked-out. :twisted:

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

No, that's just the drugs talking. Who knows what horrors were visited upon your body during the period of time in which you were blacked-out. :twisted:

I... My butt did hur... No. Shut up! It was a happy happy fur con, I didn't get drugged. I hate you! Stop ruining my life! Nazi! :cry:

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

The fact of the matter is that I've got original artwork by both of those two which they did for me at conventions in person - not internet or mail order requests.

So pretend to be superior in your knowledge and speculate all you want - I already know the truth.

Oh right, it must have been that convention that cigarskunk held in his backyard, since nobody else has ever seen the mysterious TDK in person, let alone in the same place at the same time as Turtle-Raper Schwartz.

Speaking of which, that picture of the Ninja Turtles pisses me off. That's just fucking evil

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Speaking of which, that picture of the Ninja Turtles pisses me off. That's just fucking evil

Agreed. Thank you for raping my childhood once again, Mr. Schwartz. Only thing I can say is at least Eric Schwartz draws better than Kthanid.

Your sig's from i-mockery.com, isn't it? ;<

That gif from the game Kinnikuman: Dirty Challenger (a MUSCLE game). I've seen that particular gif on websites other than I-Mockery though. It least it's not as bad as the Cho Aniki series.

Glympse · Rasophore Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 61

Speaking of which, that picture of the Ninja Turtles pisses me off. That's just fucking evil

Then don't click this link. For whatever you hold holy, do not click the link!

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 700

Speaking of which, that picture of the Ninja Turtles pisses me off. That's just fucking evil

Then don't click this link. For whatever you hold holy, do not click the link!

No... NO... NOOOOOOOOOO

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Then don't click this link. For whatever you hold holy, do not click the link!

I am more than happy to not click on that link. I have a natural curiosity...but not that curious.

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

Oh, go on! Clicky!

If ya like teh Turtles! =)

*B-kawk!* I dare ya!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

Awww,the link took too long..oh well,no loss,so...when do we go back to kicking Eric's butt instead of nit-picking each other????

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Awww,the link took too long..oh well,no loss,so...when do we go back to kicking Eric's butt instead of nit-picking each other????

Eric Schwartz is a big fat dooty head hypocrit who's too scared to come out from behind his copyright character porn alias and take the flak for it because he'd rather protect his quater-pounder-fed ass and pretend that he's furry's Mr. Nice. There! Ya happy now, Jerry? :)

On a side note: say Donny, I've often wondered about this image. Do EWS and Ken Singshow really hate your guts?

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Oh, go on! Clicky!

If ya like teh Turtles! =)

*B-kawk!* I dare ya!

Guilty as charged. =) No way I'm going there. TMNT2- The Secret of the Ooze was enough of an affront to my nostalgia, I don't need to push it any further. =D

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

simply put Stoneth: Thank you! :D

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

I don't know if they do... It's been 5 years! =)
Maybe I coulda been within the Super Friends circle, had I followed the rules... and worshippd Zig and Sab!

Dunno why I threw it all away... All that tentacle and Sabrina porn... for mere tongue bathing of the private parts of...

*GLURF!*

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

That does it, that Ninja Turtles porn fix clinched it. As far as I'm conerned, Eric Schwartz is the Anti-Christ!

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

Yes, the TMNT are the equivalent of Jesus in terms of anthro nostalgia. Drawing porn of them can only be punished by an enternity in torment.

Dear sweet fuck...

Dr. Mojo · Vociferator Joined: 19 Feb 2005 Posts: 399

Your sig's from i-mockery.com, isn't it? ;<

That gif from the game Kinnikuman: Dirty Challenger (a MUSCLE game). I've seen that particular gif on websites other than I-Mockery though. It least it's not as bad as the Cho Aniki series.

I know, but that particular gif is from i-mock. *knowlege is powar*

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Needs to get out more Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 1006

vs.

Two teams will enter, only one will come away with the gold. Who will pull out first? Who will last long enough to go all the way?

IN THE END, THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE VICTOR.

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

Can I add a third into this mix? :wink:

Computolio · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 865

Yes, the TMNT are the equivalent of Jesus in terms of anthro nostalgia. Drawing porn of them can only be punished by an enternity in torment.

Dear sweet fuck...

ANTHRO NOSTALGIA

ANTHRO NOSTALGIA

JUST SAY CARTOON NOSTALGIA YOU GIT

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Can I add a third into this mix? :wink:

I hate you, Iconoclastic. You made my old man cry! :cry:

As for the challenge, my money goes on the two furry Kinnikuman dudes going at it.

BeanBall · Apocrisiary Joined: 09 Feb 2005 Posts: 45

I think I prefer Two men Enter, one man leaves!

As for Schwartz, no, that turtle pic alone wasen't what did it, and yes I was overreacting. Sorry, it just drives me bat-shit insane when I hear stuff about the man. There's still a voice inside me begging 'say it ain't so! Say all of this stuff about him is a lie and you're just kidding arround!'. I know that truth is often stranger then fiction but this is scary.

Pictures like that, stuff like that is suppossed to be something you hear about on the news.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

ANTHRO NOSTALGIA

ANTHRO NOSTALGIA

JUST SAY CARTOON NOSTALGIA YOU GIT

Well, that would include things like the old Ghostbusters and like, but it's bad enough all the funny animals are pornostars outthere in some sick fucks gallery, I don't want to think of the fate of all the human characters too.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Cartoon Nostalgia could also imply, as furries are want to do, the exceptionally obscure crap. And I can't imagine anyone out there wants to see SilverHawks, Wheeled Warriors, or SpiderMan and His Amazing Friends porn.

And if anyone locates Real Ghostbusters porn, there will be jihad to pay upon the artist.

Griphonix · Prattler Joined: 02 Mar 2005 Posts: 165

And if anyone locates Real Ghostbusters porn, there will be jihad to pay upon the artist.

There was a PoE link to a yahoo group for ghostbusters slash, but the group's now long gone.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Cartoon Nostalgia could also imply, as furries are want to do, the exceptionally obscure crap. And I can't imagine anyone out there wants to see SilverHawks, Wheeled Warriors, or SpiderMan and His Amazing Friends porn.

I think we can safely and sadly assume that there's porn of everything on the net. To some furry artists and their like-minded "human-oriented" artists, it seems to have become some kind of bad, running joke to make porn of everything. It's probably not even about fapping to it, it's just a bad habit among the inner circle of substitute pornsters...

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

There was a website that was dedicated to corrupting childhood memories. You could go there, name your favorite show, and someone will point you out to the corresponding porn. There is porn for everything!

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Cartoon Nostalgia could also imply, as furries are want to do, the exceptionally obscure crap. And I can't imagine anyone out there wants to see SilverHawks, Wheeled Warriors, or SpiderMan and His Amazing Friends porn.

You've... never heard of or seen Kthanid's art, I take it. He used to have a large collection on the Jab Archives, but it's gone now. He'd done (highly pixelated and poorly colored) artwork of just about every cartoon series you can imagine, from Casper to TMNT to 101 Dalmations to Goof Troop to Hey Arnold to Beetlejuice to that incredibly lame D&D cartoon to a bunch of other cartoon series I can't think of.

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

And I like the excuses for such toon pornography, which are usually something along the lines of "I'm doing satire"... Yeah, satire... Funny, I didn't know it was still the 70s and cartoon sex, like Fritz The Cat, was still considered ironic, edgy, or even funny. (And note: at least Fritz The Cat was a dissertation on 70s anti-authoritarianism and the sexual revolution. Today's cartoon porn isn't.)

I like proper cartoon satire. Look at Harvey Birdman as a perfect example on how to do contemporary toon satire (and without resorting to hardcore sex scenes ala TDK). If Schwartz had drawn a comic about the Turtles filing a lawsuit against April O'Neill for accidently defaming them in a news story of hers, I'd think it would be funnier satire than having them fuck her up the butt. At least there's a joke in my lawsuit idea. Where's the joke in having them fuck her in the ass?

Also, toon pornographers, look to donotsue for advice on proper toon satire. He does great parodies and satire because the focus of his stuff isn't "OH LOOK HERES A WELL KNOWN CARTOON CHARACTER HAVING SEX ISNT THAT FUNNAY?" He knows how to frame a good joke about toons.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

And I like the excuses for such toon pornography, which are usually something along the lines of "I'm doing satire"...

I suspect the furry pornsters know full well that drawing well-known cartoon characters having sex isn't "satire" by any meaning of the word, but it's an easy-to-use, almost plausible sounding excuse to use when anyone in the fandumb would be so bold as to ask about the legality of those works.

(And of course, that Donotsue pic is a satire not on Tiny Toons but on what furrydumb did to them. :wink: )

Iconoclastic · Vociferator Joined: 08 Mar 2005 Posts: 338

There's always the fun of mocking the facades of Disney and other animation studios, something I've picked up on in Donotsue's art.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Donotsue's "Teeny Toons" pics were some of the very first examples of cartoon smut I came across way back when... 1996, I think. But I never thought of them as porn, I just though of them as jokes. And it does make sense to satirize Babs, Buster and Fifi by putting them in sexual situations because Tiny Toons sometimes did use sexual innuendo.

OTOH, stuff like Winnie the Pooh porn makes no sense whatsoever if the excuse is "hey, man, it's satire".

Genghis · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 322

vs.

Two teams will enter, only one will come away with the gold. Who will pull out first? Who will last long enough to go all the way?

IN THE END, THERE WILL BE ONLY ONE VICTOR.

when I look at the mario one I keep hearing the little 1up jingle

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

There's some ...eh... interesting... horror pics in these pages..

Dexter, Dennis the Menace...Scooby... Droopy... Turtles to Fry Monica's brain!-Anything!
All lovingly rendered inna weird style! =)

Fairly warned be thee sez I! - Arr!

http://www.wwoec.com/artist/pbm/tv.html

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

The scooby doo one is inaccurate, as that little short-haired one seems like she doesn't care for guys.

With that being said, it's all sick.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

http://www.wwoec.com/artist/pbm/tv.html

A lot of these are surprisingly well done, which is rather scary. But I did find this image to be rather humorous. I'm not sure why.

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

But apparently Cigarskunk has seen both Eric and TDK in person. Of course, nobody else has seen TDK at a convention, because otherwise we'd probably have pictures.

We have! =)

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

(And of course, that Donotsue pic is a satire not on Tiny Toons but on what furrydumb did to them. :wink: )

Yah, I know... But the point I was making was it was the proper way to do "furry satire". And I thought Donotsue should have continued with the story. Have Hannibal Lector played by Marc Schirmeister. :D

Donotsue's "Teeny Toons" pics were some of the very first examples of cartoon smut I came across way back when... 1996, I think. But I never thought of them as porn, I just though of them as jokes. And it does make sense to satirize Babs, Buster and Fifi by putting them in sexual situations because Tiny Toons sometimes did use sexual innuendo.

Bingo. This is the point I was trying to make. I don't mind if something is smutty. Just as long as there's an actual joke in there. There's no joke in the Turtles pic, or in any of the other porn pics from Schwar... er, TDK. In fact, look at a guy like Doug Winger who can do some of the most filthy, disgusting, brain-blowing pics, but still include a joke or comical exaggeration. At least Winger has a sense of humour about his porn. Schwar... err, TDK doesn't even have that, which is why I find his porno work so... clumsy.

Also, Donny, you always make me laugh... :lol:

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

Bingo. This is the point I was trying to make. I don't mind if something is smutty. Just as long as there's an actual joke in there. There's no joke in the Turtles pic, or in any of the other porn pics from Schwar... er, TDK. In fact, look at a guy like Doug Winger who can do some of the most filthy, disgusting, brain-blowing pics, but still include a joke or comical exaggeration. At least Winger has a sense of humour about his porn. Schwar... err, TDK doesn't even have that, which is why I find his porno work so... clumsy.

Also, Donny, you always make me laugh... :lol:

And therein lies the secret! Donny's stuff is funny, there's humor, satire, and outrageousness to it. The turtle pic...what is it? It's a stand alone picture, no humor, no fun, no...anything to it. There's certainly no reference or nostalgia for the turtles at all, you could pretty much remove the turtles and April and replace them with ANY other cartoon with the same result.

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

Genius, pure genius! :D

And therein lies the secret! Donny's stuff is funny, there's humor, satire, and outrageousness to it. The turtle pic...what is it? It's a stand alone picture, no humor, no fun, no...anything to it. There's certainly no reference or nostalgia for the turtles at all, you could pretty much remove the turtles and April and replace them with ANY other cartoon with the same result.

You could replace the turtles with people and get the same result.

Like I wrote earlier, all this famous-cartoon-character porn seems to be some kind of bad, running joke more than actual porn... but knowing furrydumb in its horror, I fear I'm wrong and it is just fap material.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

EWS & TDK

This is the greatest thing since Transformers: The Movie. I have much lurve for you now, Donny.

Well if anything, this will get me to shut up for a little bit about EWS being TDK since it's quite obvious from this photo that they are two different people. :) :D :lol:

Donotsue · Needs to get out more Joined: 17 Jan 2004 Posts: 884

...I dinna do it.. I just spotted it on fchan.. =)

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

And you let us believe you did it??

Man, now I don't believe in nothin' no more, so I might as well go to art school, major in illustration, and do webcomics about nekkid skunk chicks getting it on!

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

Who's the real TDK please stand up, please stand up.

Duck Stab · Qualificator Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 36

Who's the real TDK please stand up, please stand up.

Schwartz in a pimp hat is quite simply the funniest thing I have seen in my life.
Like hearing Christopher Lee read out the instructions from a tampon packet.

MonicaKitty · Vociferator Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 663

All he needs now is the crown air freshner in the back window of his 1988 Mercury Topaz. Oh, and curb feelers.

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Eric W Schwartz. Warner Bros' resident pimp.

I got bitches in my sketch book gettin it on
And, they ain’t leavin til f-chan goes down
So what you wanna do, sheeeit
I got a repertoire of spooge pics and my fans do too

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

Eric W Schwartz. Warner Bros' resident pimp.

I got bitches in my sketch book gettin it on
And, they ain’t leavin til f-chan goes down
So what you wanna do, sheeeit
I got a repertoire of spooge pics and my fans do too

I'm so making that song right now.

Goofy · Vociferator Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 311

Well lookie what I found:

http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/a/res/2628.html

From the FAQ...

Sabrina - Female skunk, short white hair, wears glasses.

...

Nudity: Sabrina is rarely fully unclothed, but may be depicted in the nude, but only 'tastefully' and not explicitly so. No visible nipples or genitalia. Her fur covers those areas on her body.

OMG ERIC BETTAR LAWSUIET ASAP!!!

Paul · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 1092

http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/a/res/2628.html

The chickens coming home to roost at TDK's henhouse.

Also, the pic's so stupid it's funny. What is this fascination with turning established female cartoon characters into herms?!

weird_guy_in_the_corner · Vociferator Joined: 14 Oct 2004 Posts: 708

What is this fascination with turning established female cartoon characters into herms?!

They can't get it up any other way.

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

If any of us could figure these bone heads out we'd either be rich as Kressus,...or dead!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

Uhhhh,this IS the end of this thread,or what?

Coyote Seven · Qualificator Joined: 30 Jun 2003 Posts: 25

Uhhhh,this IS the end of this thread,or what?

No. :D

Here's a link to some very Amiga computer related blatherings...

You'll see Eric's been pretty ah... well, busy I guess.

http://www.amigamccc.org/journal.htm

EDIT: And marvel at the homepage of the Amiga user group he frequents!

http://www.amitech.org/

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

Here's a link to some very Amiga computer related blatherings...

You'll see Eric's been pretty ah... well, busy I guess.

http://www.amigamccc.org/journal.htm

Who the heck is this "Ron Schwartz" I see? Did Eric get married or worst yet, is he related to him or even a product of his tainted seed?

I shudder to think that there are more Schwartzs out there. Or ... maybe this Ron Schwartz is really TDK! :lol:

Coyote Seven · Qualificator Joined: 30 Jun 2003 Posts: 25

It's worse than that.

If I remember right, Ron is Eric's brother!

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

Father Abraham deliver us! :shock:

Octan · Coadjutor Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 77

I know this is both off-topic and based on something a page-and-a-half ago, but I noticed that Schwartz is not the only one on that site with an alias. I don't know but I would guess some of you, at least, recognize <A HREF="http://www.yiff.ru/gallery.yiff?id=12">this individual</A> (warning: porn, yadda yadda yadda) and know that his name is not "S. Cullen."

Jerry Collins · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jul 2003 Posts: 548

Ahhh,Eric..Master of your own little universe....and yet he STILL can't get laid by a "real" woman(or even an inflateable one) :lol:

Mitch · Vociferator Joined: 01 Jun 2003 Posts: 658

Here's a link to some very Amiga computer related blatherings...

You'll see Eric's been pretty ah... well, busy I guess.

http://www.amigamccc.org/journal.htm

Who the heck is this "Ron Schwartz" I see? Did Eric get married or worst yet, is he related to him or even a product of his tainted seed?

I shudder to think that there are more Schwartzs out there. Or ... maybe this Ron Schwartz is really TDK! :lol:

Nah, Ron Schwartz is Eric's dad. He used to be an Amiga dealer.

Rankin · TOP POSTER! Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 1659

Nah, Ron Schwartz is Eric's dad. He used to be an Amiga dealer.

I was just about to post this. His mother also makes 'cutesy printed teeshirts', of which she's had Eric do many drawings for. It's kind of strange seeing some innocuous drawing about cubscouts earning their 'bear badge' (or whatever the hell it is) in that tell-tale TDK style. I mean, you're just expecting the tentacles...

The New Meat · Needs to get out more Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 933

so very tired of this