Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

I dunno about any of you, but working at a major theme park can be hilarious. The perfection they demand from employees is freakish, and the customers run the gamut of the weirdest people ever. The overall theme of a Sea World employee is FRIENDLINESS. Always smile smile smile, no matter how badly your feet are killing you and no matter how much of a dick the customer is.
I work at the biggest restaurant in the park, Shipwreck Cafe. It's themed--guess how--and my duties range from preparing food to picking up trash outside. By the way, we're supposed to wipe the tables with the same rag we use on trashcans. The rag gets really, really nasty to the point where I don't wanna hold it.
The best part is what happens there. Several really interesting things happened in my first two days. One was finding a 20 on the ground, and being that this is a major international tourist destination this is sure to happen again. I was so thrilled, and I just took it as a tip for all the crap I was doing.
The second was having to pick up a peice of human crap off the floor. Some idiot kid had pulled his pants down and decided this eating area was a grand old place to drop one. This poor Mexican family was eating right next to it before the smell got intolerable and they finally saw it. The broom wouldn't get it, so I had to get it with a hand coated in napkins.
People will ask you in a million languages to do things, typically thrusting their map in your face and barking "Shamu!". You are no longer human, you are an object. But there are definatly pluses.
For one, despite the eating area, the kitchen is immaculatly and anal retentively clean. You get free food from it, and I admit its damn good and usually really fucking expensive. The pay is 8.60 an hour when the minimum wage is 5.70, with medical and free immunizations.
Not all the people suck, too. There was a gaurd in a themed watchtower, being heckled by two little boys. They were screaming at him to dance, and he was ignoring them. I was cleaning up a table near them, paying freakish attention to detail so I wouldn't get yelled at. They turned to me and said, "Hey, can YOU dance?". I figured, what the Hell, and I wiggled a bit for them. They then erupted in cheers and informed the poor gaurd that "She is cool and you aren't! Boo!". It definatly was more amusing than sweeping.
I have a feeling that way more interesting things are yet to come. I've seen more than one person stare at the dolphins with lust in their eyes, and one kid try to get in the penguin enclosure. If anyone's interested, I'll update.

Monkey King · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 459

I work at the biggest restaurant in the park, Shipwreck Cafe. It's themed--guess how--and my duties range from preparing food to picking up trash outside. By the way, we're supposed to wipe the tables with the same rag we use on trashcans. The rag gets really, really nasty to the point where I don't wanna hold it.

Note to self, DO NOT EAT AT SEAWORLD.

Lim-Dul · Coadjutor Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 73

The pay is 8.60 an hour when the minimum wage is 5.70, with medical and free immunizations.

I think the minimum wage has risen a bit lately, http://www.dol.gov/esa/minwage/america.htm

I have a feeling that way more interesting things are yet to come. I've seen more than one person stare at the dolphins with lust in their eyes, and one kid try to get in the penguin enclosure. If anyone's interested, I'll update.

Sounds like you've got more to tell, sit down and relax...
Your not going anywhere for a while. (I.E. I'm interested.)

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

I went on a 'camping trip' with my homeschool group to Seaworld a few months back, and we spent the night inside of 'Journey to Atlantis'.
How long have you been working there? I feel for you.

You get free food from it, and I admit its damn good and usually really fucking expensive. The pay is 8.60 an hour when the minimum wage is 5.70, with medical and free immunizations.

There was some Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cheesecake or something I had there. Fuckin' AWESOME.

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

There was some Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cheesecake or something I had there. Fuckin' AWESOME.

Heath bar and something else. I've served that. It's a bitch to cut up, really sticky. That was definatly in my restaurant. And actually I've worked there two days but I plan to stick around and transfer to animal care. Coming from an admitted furry that MIGHT sound scary I admit, but I just wanna be around the exotic birds. They're so friendly and charming, it's really hard to be depressed around them. I have a way with animals, and they're relaxing.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

There was some Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cheesecake or something I had there. Fuckin' AWESOME.

Heath bar and something else. I've served that. It's a bitch to cut up, really sticky. That was definatly in my restaurant. And actually I've worked there two days but I plan to stick around and transfer to animal care. Coming from an admitted furry that MIGHT sound scary I admit, but I just wanna be around the exotic birds. They're so friendly and charming, it's really hard to be depressed around them. I have a way with animals, and they're relaxing.

The birds freak me out. Some friends and I were eating at the Shipwreck, and theres this big, flourescent red crane standing in the pond glaring at us.
I have a bird-phobia.

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

The birds freak me out. Some friends and I were eating at the Shipwreck, and theres this big, flourescent red crane standing in the pond glaring at us.
I have a bird-phobia.

NOT THE SCARLET IBIS?! You have to be kidding me, I stare at those things all day as I sweep. They're so soothing, so graceful. My supervisor has a thing for the ducks, himself. The authorities are all weirdly young, and he's nineteen. I tend to gravitate towards him because we share a common nerdiness and passon for obscure literature and music.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

The birds freak me out. Some friends and I were eating at the Shipwreck, and theres this big, flourescent red crane standing in the pond glaring at us.
I have a bird-phobia.

NOT THE SCARLET IBIS?! You have to be kidding me, I stare at those things all day as I sweep. They're so soothing, so graceful. My supervisor has a thing for the ducks, himself. The authorities are all weirdly young, and he's nineteen. I tend to gravitate towards him because we share a common nerdiness and passon for obscure literature and music.

They FREAK ME OUT.
Yes, the Ibis.
It was all staring at us like it wanted to peck our eyes out.

5thehardway · Prattler Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 161

By the way, we're supposed to wipe the tables with the same rag we use on trashcans.

Oh Jesus titty-fucking Christ.

Still, I'm pleased to hear that you get bennies and a decent wage, all things considered.

baserock love · Vociferator Joined: 04 Dec 2004 Posts: 685

The birds freak me out. Some friends and I were eating at the Shipwreck, and theres this big, flourescent red crane standing in the pond glaring at us.
I have a bird-phobia.

I've only run into that one other time in my life. Surprisingly the girl that had it was basically a blonde version of you, odd.

HOW COULD YOU BE SCARED OF BIRDS?

Monkey King · Vociferator Joined: 16 Jun 2005 Posts: 459

HOW COULD YOU BE SCARED OF BIRDS?

Maybe the same way some people are scared of snakes and bees? Or the way spiders make me shriek like a little girl? Being scared of birds is actually more logical than a fear of snakes. Birds have those sharp beaks with which to peck out your eyes, and they can fly; snakes have no arms or legs, and you can foil their poisonous bite just by stepping back a few feet.

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

Maybe the same way some people are scared of snakes and bees? Or the way spiders make me shriek like a little girl? Being scared of birds is actually more logical than a fear of snakes. Birds have those sharp beaks with which to peck out your eyes, and they can fly; snakes have no arms or legs, and you can foil their poisonous bite just by stepping back a few feet.

You all are a bunch of pussies. I rescuse spiders from the shower, remove snakes from gardens, and get pidgeons to land on me with ease.

...My boyfriend calls me Snow White >_>

baserock love · Vociferator Joined: 04 Dec 2004 Posts: 685

HOW COULD YOU BE SCARED OF BIRDS?

Maybe the same way some people are scared of snakes and bees? Or the way spiders make me shriek like a little girl? Being scared of birds is actually more logical than a fear of snakes. Birds have those sharp beaks with which to peck out your eyes, and they can fly; snakes have no arms or legs, and you can foil their poisonous bite just by stepping back a few feet.

Spiders-------alien looking, 8 eyes, fangs, some can kill you, I hate them

Snakes--------No problem with em. People are scared cuz some can kill you, they can be aggressive

Bees--------again, no problem with em. But they can swarm/kill you. They can be aggressive, bee stings can hurt like a bitch.

Birds-------might.........crap on your car

I can see why people would be afraid of the other stuff.

Mastertran · Venter Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 275

I actually used to work at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom until one day some 5 year old stabbed me in the thigh with a plastic fork. I left that day and took a job at Blockbuster.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

I HATE birds.
I think it's their beaks, and the fact that they can fly.
Ugh.
Flying things.

TheBobSays · Venter Joined: 19 Jun 2005 Posts: 236

I HATE birds.
I think it's their beaks, and the fact that they can fly.
Ugh.
Flying things.

Okay, let's get all scientific, then. Is it the beaks or the flying? How about...
Pterodactyls?
Bats?
Dragonflies?
Ostriches?
Penguins?

Also: More stories! I should probably post some that my wife and I have from when we each worked at Great America.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

I HATE birds.
I think it's their beaks, and the fact that they can fly.
Ugh.
Flying things.

Okay, let's get all scientific, then. Is it the beaks or the flying? How about...
Pterodactyls?
Bats?
Dragonflies?
Ostriches?
Penguins?

Also: More stories! I should probably post some that my wife and I have from when we each worked at Great America.

I don't mind Bats. I'm not sure why. And dragonflies don't bug me...and Penguins don't fly...although they have beaks...
But, what I really hate are Ostriches.
If Hitler had laid off the jews and gone for the Ostriches, he'd have been fine with me.

But yes, more stories, hagfish! :D

cheberet · Coadjutor Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 71

An ostrich attacked my dad once at one of those wildlife drive through parks. He had a bag of animal treats in his lap and the ostrich stuck its neck through the car window and lunged, forcibly, for his crotch.

Yes, he'd probably join an anti-ostrich movement.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

An ostrich attacked my dad once at one of those wildlife drive through parks. He had a bag of animal treats in his lap and the ostrich stuck its neck through the car window and lunged, forcibly, for his crotch.

Yes, he'd probably join an anti-ostrich movement.

That's so creepy.
I don't consider Ostriches (Ostrii?) animals. They're like, monsters of the underworld.

baserock love · Vociferator Joined: 04 Dec 2004 Posts: 685

An ostrich attacked my dad once at one of those wildlife drive through parks. He had a bag of animal treats in his lap and the ostrich stuck its neck through the car window and lunged, forcibly, for his crotch.

Yes, he'd probably join an anti-ostrich movement.

I was attacked by a vicious duck after my popcorn when i was a little boy. Those fuckers can bite hard. I was a bit apprehensive of birds after that. Then a day or 2 later i saw a duck in a creek by my house and i shot it in the eye with my wrist rocket, there was blood everywhere and i cried all night. I've been at peace with the birds ever since.

The only creature that bugs me are spiders. The freak me out i don't know why, i've let a 6 inch scorpion crawl up my arm at a wildlife museum and that didn't bother me a bit, weird.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

But, what I really hate are Ostriches.
If Hitler had laid off the jews and gone for the Ostriches, he'd have been fine with me.

Don't forget emus... I hate those fucking things...

Griphonix · Prattler Joined: 02 Mar 2005 Posts: 165

Don't forget emus... I hate those fucking things...

Emus > Ostriches. Probably because emus have bigger brains.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

An emu once tried to eat my cat. They may have better brains, but that doesn't automatically make them Einstein.

SLaitila · Vociferator Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Posts: 490

Actually they herd ostriches in finland and you can find ostrich meat in most shops. Which is quite odd, though it tastes great.

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

BACK ON TOPIC WITH MORE SEA WORLD FUN:

This was before I worked there, but it was interesting nonetheless. I have a good friend who I met in preschool, and while most people age beyond that level he's had basically the same personality this whole time with a bit of an increase in comprehension and maturity. Despite never having done drugs, he acts like he's constantly stoned and seriously wants to milk monkeys as a career. He also thinks there would be a market for monkey milk, as well as moldy strawberries with googly eyes on them. He just keeps getting weirder, that's only the tip of the iceberg.
We hadn't seen each other in months, and we chose to hang out at Sea World. Between his grinding a flagpole, trying to pet flamingos, and making jokes about gay Ah-nold, it was a weird day. Somewhere along the lines, for whatever reason, I had explained furries to him and this made him giggle like a school girl. He was both weirded out and thrilled to death, and was making stupid cracks about it all day.
We got off that Atlantis ride and were watching these little black and white porpoises swim around, when suddenly he thinks it's a wonderful idea to scream "HOLY SHIT THE PORPOISES ARE YIFFING" and run like Hell. I was left with a lot of shocked people staring at me, the only apparant source of the noise, and at the 70s metalhead throwback (I'll show you a pic to prove it if you care to see) fleeing the scene.

Another thing that happened the other day was the walrus wanked. I shit you not. He was out there in all his walrus glory, trying to bend over and masturbate with his flipper. He was deeply agitated that it didn't work, and once he figured out the display glass would work he must have got off about three times.
Tourists were gathering en masse, laughing, covering their kids' eyes, snapping pictures, and just plain staring. It was the stuff of nightmares to many but there has to be SOME person on the internet who would have been totally turned on.

And I <3 ostriches

Dr. Dos · Vociferator Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 718

In 6th grade we went on a field trip to the Philadelphia Zoo.

This bigass turtle was getting his bone on with his woman.

I didn't have a camera but my friend did.

That means I have witnessed dogs, turtles, and ladybugs getting it on in person.

IceCat · Venter Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 244

Around the turj of the century, we had an ostrich farm in the city I live in. It was a reallt big tourist attraction at the time too.

AngryPuritan · Needs to get out more Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1361

In 6th grade we went on a field trip to the Philadelphia Zoo.

This bigass turtle was getting his bone on with his woman.

I didn't have a camera but my friend did.

That means I have witnessed dogs, turtles, and ladybugs getting it on in person.

The giant tortuises? Yeah, they get it on often. Last time I went to the Philly zoo the old fuck was at it as well. Filled the entire zoo with the noise of his turtle-paced thrust grunts.

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

In 6th grade we went on a field trip to the Philadelphia Zoo.

This bigass turtle was getting his bone on with his woman.

I didn't have a camera but my friend did.

That means I have witnessed dogs, turtles, and ladybugs getting it on in person.

The giant tortuises? Yeah, they get it on often. Last time I went to the Philly zoo the old fuck was at it as well. Filled the entire zoo with the noise of his turtle-paced thrust grunts.

Gross! Turtles have penises??? Yuck.
I caught my dog masturbating once with one of those 'kong' toys.
I just cringed and walked away.

AlbinoHagfish · Prattler Joined: 31 Jul 2005 Posts: 199

I caught my dog masturbating once with one of those 'kong' toys.
I just cringed and walked away.

OMG DOG TOY YIFF HAWT

All my pets are fixed. My buck used to hump my stuffed animals until I had him cut. I got enough of sticky toys. I honestly don't know how anyone could find that hot.

cheberet · Coadjutor Joined: 28 Jul 2005 Posts: 71

I went to the Galapagos islands and pretty much every animal there was spotted fucking, including the giant tortoises.

In other words, furry heaven. I mean, the most common birds are called BOOBIES. You can't make it up!

Captain Cowgirl · Needs to get out more Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 1091

I went to the Galapagos islands and pretty much every animal there was spotted fucking, including the giant tortoises.

In other words, furry heaven. I mean, the most common birds are called BOOBIES. You can't make it up!

Aren't there ones called 'Tits' too?

Stoneth · Needs to get out more Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 1225

I went to the Galapagos islands and pretty much every animal there was spotted fucking, including the giant tortoises.

In other words, furry heaven. I mean, the most common birds are called BOOBIES. You can't make it up!

Aren't there ones called 'Tits' too?

Titmouse.

I once went to a wildlife refuge that had otters. When they mate, they do it in the water so it looks like a fast-paced water ballet. Thus it was quite easy for the mother next to me to tell her daughter "they're playing".