Crush...Yiff...Destroy!

M0us3_Zero · Venter Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 278

It's my Live Journal rant regarding Holiday Shoppers.

You can see it by clicking here.

The language is a little strong, but nothing you boys and girls can't handle.

Venting is a good thing. ^_^

Rankin · Needs to get out more Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Posts: 891

Shut up and get me what I asked for. I'm a consumer, and this makes me better than you! (So sayeth my avatar)

M0us3_Zero · Venter Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 278

LoL.

Touche. Or however you'd write it. >_<

Dogthing · Vociferator Joined: 26 Oct 2003 Posts: 307

>_<

<_>

Presea · Recusant Joined: 14 Nov 2004 Posts: 19

Shopping, much like driving and guns, can bring out the worst in people.
And that's why I'm never going into customer service. :?

Kadius · Vociferator Joined: 10 Feb 2004 Posts: 370

I don't work in sales/fastfood for this very reason. People seem to forget that the person behind the register is an actual person. Kind of like you're a soulless machine. :?

In stonework you can break something with a big hammer when you're frustrated. Can't really do that when you're working behind a register. :mrgreen:

ZenZhu · Needs to get out more Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 897

My wife and I were talking about the whole 5AM shock-trooper shopper thing on our drive home from Arkansas this weekend. My brother had expressed an interest in something I knew I could get at the local mall. Alas, I had to go in on Black Friday. My wife and I hit the joint at about 11AM, when most people are going home to nap or get lunch after several hours of frenzied shopping. My wife worked one Christmas at Toys R Us, and can testify that 11AM to 1PM is generally a good window of opportunity to miss the worst of the crowds. So, we made it a surgical strike. Get in, get the item, get out. We did stop briefly to pick up fallen comrades in the form of two chicken salads with creamy herb dressing from a place we have not seen outside of Northwest Arkansas Mall, and is a must-do whenever possible during a visit to the in-laws.

I have come to theorize that, like sky diving or bungee jumping, Black Friday and Christmas Eve shopping creates a rush in some people. They not only get some kind of emotional, or maybe even biochemical high from ducking and weaving through throngs of shoppers like some kind of capitalist ninja training course, but from sniffing out deals like a pig rooting up truffles. Getting that copy of Super Turbo Martial Kombat XVII that little Jimmy wants isn't satisfaction enough. These shoppers get a huge rush by descending upon stores like troops storming the beaches at Normandy and knowing they not only got a great bargain on the item, but beat about 20 other people to it, ensuring their place in the annals of shopping greatness. I am convinced that someday, these same shoppers will sit around a cozy fireplace and regale their great-grandchildren of the time in '04 when they walked 10 miles, uphill, in the snow, to wrestle a bear for the only N-Gage in a five-county radius so that they could get it for the low, low price of a nickle... five cents going for a lot more in that day than the Republic credits that will be the standard of currency in the future 20 or 30 years from now.

So, there you have it. The thrill of the hunt. The rush of pursuit. The crowning achievement of getting the first Cabbage Patch kid of the morning, and all for the sake of saving $5 on its price any other day of the week, any other week of the year. Of course, the flip side to this is that competing with the increased number of shoppers creates significantly greater adverse conditions than one would normally experience on a gift-hunting foray. A week ago, you may have been the only person in a 100-mile radius who had any notion of buying whatever little bauble it is you were seeking for Jimmy, Jordan, or Ashleigh. But, instead of shopping at your leisure and finding not only one of said item, but several of them so that you could compare the condition of the packaging, its contents, and other details, and paying the standard price for it, you insisted upon waiting until Black Friday.

Unfortunately, you are now not alone. One hundred and ninety nine of your fellow shoppers now want that exact same item. They're not really sure why they have to have it, only that they must acquire this item at all costs, or they face the insufferably crushing disappointment of a loved one or, worse yet, will lose their title as the king/queen of gift-giving. I'm sure you've met these types... the ones that not only put a great deal of thought into finding the ideal gift for a friend or loved one, but also conduct detailed scientific research and statistical analysis into the pros and cons of each gift to maximize the potential for reciving cheers and accolades from all who bear witness to their prowess at selecting gifts... thus elevating their status from that of mere mortal to a gift-giving deity. If you look carefully at the back of rooms of Hallmark stores, you can see altars dedicated to this divine being... the Ganesha of holiday shopping.. with offerings of clove oranges, sacramental egg nog, and peppermint incense.

So, here you are, two hundred people who have all decided to wait until this very day to secure your purchases. I think even the most remedial of college algebra students can figure out that when you have two hundred people wanting a certain item, and only fifty of said item in stock, some people are going to be mathematically boned. Of course, what this equation fails to take into account is that each shopper is more important than 199 other shoppers, and is therefore more deserving of special considerations than the commoners they are forced to mingle with. Sometimes, it's not even as egotistical as the shopper thinking they alone are somehow elevated in status above the throngs of holiday shoppers. Often, it is their children that are more deserving, more noble, and more godlike than the 199 other people in the store. Jordan's special status as "mommy's little man" or Ashleigh's credentials as "daddy's little girl" far outweigh the foul materialism of the masses, and anyone that cannot recognize that - such as stockers that abide by the physical laws that matter, and therefore merchandise, can neither be created nor destroyed out of nothingness or cashiers who are unable, nay, unwilling to control the ebb and flow of information between their card reader and the credit bureau - is surely asking for trouble in their heretical display of disregard for the divine status of the child in question.

You have two hundred people thrust into the same finite space - each one of them feeling that they are the center of the universe. When the universe attempts to prove it does not revolve around each one of them, they get snippy. Their adrenaline rush is quickly snuffed out. In the face of the harsh laws of supply and demand, their status as the god or goddess of gift-giving begins to slip through their grasp. The roar of cheers and huzzahs that echoed in their daydreams contorts itself into the raucous din of harried shoppers around them. In short, those would-be gods among men are quickly bitch-slapped upside the head with the cold realization that, if they had bought that widget last week and paid the extra $5, they would not be in their current situation where the person two seconds ahead of them seized the last copy of this game, or the last box of that toy. Threatened with this blow to their bargain-hunting ego, they lash out at the only people that their waning self-esteem will allow them to hold responsible for their woes.... the staff. Like five people fighting over the last parachute on the plane, shoppers turn on the staff, blaming them for all sorts of transgressions ranging from simple incompetence to conspiracies involving holding personal stashes of items in the back room of stores, where they will wisk it away to their black helicopters as they hurry home, smug in the knoweldge that they managed to outdo the savviest of consumers.

There are times when I can understand going to extremes to stretch one's holiday-shopping dollar. Two weeks ago, I managed to get a great lightweight winter jacket for 50% off by availing myself of a sale. However, sales typically come and go. If you wait one out, you can really stretch your dollar. And I can't say I'm above wanting to know the warm feeling of giving someone a gift of something they have lusted after. Still, careful planning and forethought often prove the better part of valor. It's like waiting for a sunny day to patch your roof well before the rainy season starts. Black Friday shopping, however, is like waiting until the height of monsoon season to finish installing a set of skylights. In this light, blaming store staff for all of your woes is like getting pissy with the local weather forecasters for not giving you adequate warning that things were going to get a little rainy. If you're going to insist on the rush of Black Friday shopping, don't take it out on others when it blows up in your face.

On a related note, I'll occasionally watch that show Airline on... I think it's on A&E. It's really amazing to see how pissy people get when things don't go completely their way... especially when they do something dumb. They'll go to the bar (I personally think they should just do away with bars in airports, anyway) and get too drunk to fly, and then get upset that they're not being allowed to board. Or, they'll pack things they KNOW they can't take into their carry-on luggage, and get upset when they're not allowed to take them on-board. Anyway, when you consider how many details have to line up for any one person's flight to go relatively trouble-free, it's AMAZING to think that so many people manage to fly without incident. With so many things going on, stuff is bound to get messed up now and then. Usually, airlines are perfectly happy to work with the customer to achieve a mutually-agreeable solution. I know when I've had problems, they've always been very accommodating. You do, however, have to take a little responsibility to plan out what to do. My wife and I usually show up at an airport no less than 2 hours in advance for a flight.. and sometimes, it has truly made a difference, as opposed to people getting upset because they can't board after arriving 2 minutes after the doors have closed. But, when you see this show, it's amazing how many self-centered temper tantrums you see.

Skunkfuckers Inc. · Venter Joined: 20 Jan 2004 Posts: 254

You all might like this story. It was told to me just today by a guy from work, about Wal-mart's "blitz" sales they have the day after Thanksgiving, where they mark down certain merchandise 50% off.

The other day his wife had sent him to pick up a 27" flatscreen TV, and he was telling me how he saw these two guys start beating the crap out of each other over the last 20" model, while the guy stocking the stuff just stood there and watched. After they were finaly seperated and calmed down a bit, the employee was so appalled he openly chastised them both about how immature it was for grown men to be fighting like that.

Then he mentioned it's especially sad because he's got six more pallets of the same product in the back to bring out. Needless to say, they were both now incredibly pissed at the guy. He could have mentioned that sooner, but what fun it must have been to stand there seeing them squabble and fight like starving dogs over the last piece of offal from a kill.

EDIT: I also watch Airline, just to see examples of some people who reeeeaally don't 'get it'. Like the person who got pissed that his expensive bag got scratched and wanted to be compensated, totaly missing the point that if the bag protected the actual contents inside, then it's served it's function to the highest regard. Whatever little scratch or tear is no big deal, that's what the luggags is for; to absorb any damge. Accedents do happen. Sometimes planes even crash despite the best of care. HEY, your plane didn't crash. DEAL WITH IT you old fag.

Also, don't by expensive designer luggage. It's an item meant to be utilitarian and strong, not pretty and fragile. Get with the program ignorant person. And if you "only buy expensive things", then you obviously make enough that it shouldn't be a big deal to replace anyway, right?

M0us3_Zero · Venter Joined: 22 Mar 2004 Posts: 278

You know, I should start posting these storys as a "Fear and Lothing in the Mega-Ultra-Super Mall" on my LJ. It'd be worth a LOLcopter.

All credit given, of course.